Even a completely upended life has a bright side

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/01/2025 (590 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

A lot of people comment on what bad luck I have. About how awful it must be to be in my circumstances. It’s always a little awkward having someone, usually a relative or friend, tell you it must be awful to be you.

Here’s a tip: think it, but don’t say it.

It is a difficult path to navigate. It’s certainly not one I would have chosen for my life. But it is the path chosen for me. And you know what else? There’s a lot of wonderful things that have only happened to me because of getting sick.

In Hebrew interpretive writings on scripture called Midrash, commentary regarding illness resonates with me. It says illness is a gift from God that shows us how much we are loved by others. Illness causes us to prioritize spending time with the people we love. Want to learn how much you mean to people? Get really sick.

Prior to my serious illness, I was not prioritizing spending time with friends and family. My priorities were graduate school, working at the Winnipeg Regional Health Authority and volunteer work, which included serving as president of the Manitoba chapter of the Canadian Public Relations Society. Oh, and planning an elaborate wedding for almost 200 people at the Winnipeg Art Gallery.

I had lots of friends and family, but I didn’t see them much. Then, Oct. 4, 2009, happened. That’s the day I was first admitted to St. Boniface Hospital for malnutrition and major abdominal surgery. That was the beginning of this story. I didn’t know then how much my life, and I as a person, was going to change.

I was overwhelmed by the love and support I received from family, friends and co-workers. I was surprised by some of the visitors. I didn’t ever feel alone. Every day, people came.

As my health deteriorated, hospital stays became almost constant and in 2017 I ended up in chronic care (like a medical ward, but you never go home).

I lost a few friends, but for the most part, people rallied around me and my husband Brent. A GoFundMe campaign raised over $18,000 towards our medical and legal expenses. We were even on the news. Complete strangers were donating. Again, I was totally overwhelmed by people’s kindness.

I have met so many wonderful people because of illness. Hospital roommates have become friends. People from support groups tell me I’m like their big sister. I have friends through writing and art, which I never had time for before. I’ve become friends with students I mentor.

Some people collect things; I collect people. I’ve been told I have a magnetic personality that draws people in. All I know is I love people. One of my favourite things about this column is interacting with readers. I’ve connected with so many interesting and compassionate people and I’ve even met some of you in-person.

I’m incredibly grateful for the perspective I have been given. I view life entirely differently, and my priorities and values have changed. I was never a bad person, but I was a completely career-focused workaholic. I was so fixated on school that I defended my master’s thesis from a freaking hospital bed and was set to start my PhD before it became financially and medically impossible.

I was totally gutted and lost when I could no longer work or study, but I would learn none of that stuff really matters. We are not our jobs or the fancy degrees we hang on our walls. That’s not what defines us and I don’t care about that stuff anymore. I want to be remembered for the kind of person I was. For my kindness, lovingness, creativity and the difference I made in this world.

If there’s a lesson to be learned from me, it’s to make time for friends and family. (The chores will still be there.) Make it a priority. Don’t get to the point where you realize you haven’t seen your best friend in six months.

Last fall was the 15th anniversary of getting really sick and having my life upended. I’m more patient and compassionate now, and I’m not judgmental. I’m kinder, more grateful and less selfish. The experience has made me a better person in so many ways, and that is a huge gift. I like this person better than the person I used to be. I could do with a break from constant health crises, but this version of Shawna, despite being comparable to a well-travelled, beater car, is still way better than healthier Shawna.

And, I would not trade her in.

Shawna (Shoshana) Forester Smith is a chronically ill, disabled Ojibwe writer and health-care advocate who lives on a chronic-care unit at Deer Lodge Centre.

shawna.forestersmith@freepress.mb.ca