Jump on the Team Otter bandwagon

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/11/2018 (2793 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

I have given this divisive issue some serious thought over the past week, and have decided to throw my weight behind Team Otter.

What I’m trying to say is that I am a major supporter of a rogue river otter that has been making headlines around the world for more than a week after invading a tranquil pond in the heart of Vancouver’s Chinatown and feasting on its prized fish.

It has been impossible to escape this ongoing saga (let’s call it “Grand Theft Otter”) because most major news outlets, tired of the depressing antics of U.S. President Donald Trump, have instead begun trumpeting the adventures of an audacious otter.

It’s not known how the wily mammal made its way into the Dr. Sun Yat-Sen Classical Chinese Garden, which is walled off from the rest of the city, but what is known is that it has been stuffing its whiskered face with the serene pond’s stock of expensive koi.

At last count, the opportunistic otter had eaten at least 10 of the decorative koi, many of which have been there for decades and which are prized for their longevity, size and colourful markings. The koi are reportedly worth between $1,000 and $5,000 each, making the otter’s meal one of the more expensive in my famously pricey hometown.

The Vancouver Park Board has been doing its best to catch and relocate this wily critter, even bringing in an expert trapper, but so far the hunt has proved futile, with the otter apparently snatching the bait from the traps, then prancing away with what we assume is a smug look on its face.

The daily tussle between the otter and its human foes has been likened to the beloved Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner cartoons, wherein the hapless coyote can never quite bag his prey despite trying increasingly ridiculous schemes and elaborate equipment from Acme Corporation.

The garden staff are also trying to net and relocate their remaining koi to the Vancouver Aquarium for safekeeping, but the fish are proving remarkably hard to catch — for humans, if not otters.

“It has been a difficult mission, trying to rescue our koi,” Debbie Cheung, spokeswoman for the classical Chinese garden, told reporters recently. “It’s very frustrating. We actually went into the water (on the weekend) trying to save our koi. It was very difficult because at the bottom of the pond there’s a bed of clay and it’s hard to see.

“It was very difficult to see, we were only able to see from far away when they swim, and when we got closer they swim away really fast. They’re very stressed out at this moment.”

You will not be surprised to hear the Otter versus Koi struggle is driving the internet crazy, with thousands of social-media users in Vancouver and around the world voting on whether they are members of #TeamOtter or #TeamKoi.

People with too much time on their hands have also created Twitter pages for each side, featuring such informative tweets as…

Chinatown Otter: “Hi! Nice to meet you. You can come visit. Don’t touch the koi. They’re mine.”

Chinatown Koi: “Took us a few days to get our hands on a phone after @ChinatownOtter took one of us down and stole his phone. Come on back Otter, we dare you.”

Fans of the story are also going wild for a batch of buttons featuring adorable cartoon otters and koi that Chinatown Today — a local blog, lifestyle and tourism website — is selling for $2 apiece in Chinatown and $3.75 online. The proceeds were going to be donated to the garden, but it asked for the cash to go to a wildlife refuge instead.

As I believe I mentioned at the start of this column, I am a proud member of Team Otter because — try to follow my reasoning here — I have always been mildly obsessed with otters.

As I write these words, perched on the wall beside my home computer is a large framed photograph of an adorable otter floating on its back, and there’s a tiny sculpture of a river otter resting on my fireplace mantel.

It’s not that I don’t like fish. I am extremely fond of fish, especially when they are covered in a delicious deep-fried batter. But I find they make questionable pets for the following reasons:

● They never come when you call them, no matter how loud you yell;

● If you try to play fetch with a fish, it will almost always end in disappointment;

● If you take your pet fish out for a walk, someone will probably call the police.

Fluffy otters, on the other hand, are almost mind-numbingly cute. I can trace my obsession back to the day I watched the tearjerker 1969 film Ring of Bright Water, the story of a kindly fellow who lives in London who becomes fascinated by a mischievous otter on display in the window of a pet shop he walks past every day.

So, naturally, he buys the otter, which he names Mij, and it proceeds to wreak havoc on his London apartment, so the pair move to a rustic cottage on the west coast of Scotland, where hilarity and heartbreak ensue.

But far be it from me to tell you which side to support in this heart-tugging wildlife saga playing out on Canada’s West Coast. You fish fans are more than welcome to throw your support behind the beleaguered koi.

But, as a crusading Prairie columnist, I think you should consider the otter side of the story.

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca