Best to steer clear if ex is still life of the party

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I spotted an old girlfriend at the beach recently, and what a jolt. She was tanned and gorgeous. She had a pink towel wrapped around her lower half and it reminded me of when she would walk towards me with a sexy look on her face after a shower. She always knew what she was doing and how it affected me.

We didn’t end up chatting at the beach, but to my surprise she called me later that day, asking to take me out to dinner. What should I do? We were a great pair, except for her excessive partying and drinking. I didn’t ask her if she’s being a good girl now. Please advise.

— Curiosity Aroused, West Kildonan

Dear Curious: The more mature version of this ex might be interesting for you — if she has actually graduated from her bad old days of partying. You’ll probably know after a dinner out with her, especially if you have a couple of cocktails.

The good news is many people often party hard when they’re young, but give it up (or at least slow down) later. Hopefully this woman has taken that route and your dinner will be a happy occasion.

However, if she’s still a hardcore partier, don’t jump back into dating her, even if you’re lonely. Repeat relationships, especially when substance-abuses issues are involved, can be even worse than the original go-round because you’ll be kicking yourself for it the whole time.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In our extended family we have far too many problems and issues that inevitably lead to big blowouts. So we were shocked to find out our ridiculously argumentative relatives from out east are coming to stay at our house for a week this summer.

They invited themselves and we couldn’t say no. What can we do with them?

— Dreading House Guests, Fort Richmond

Dear Dreading: Grab visitor information from Travel Manitoba at The Forks on every fun or interesting thing to see or do in Winnipeg, and study up before the relatives get here. This will help get them out in public with you, where it’s harder to argue.

Hit a few of the busy, noisy restaurants around the city, and remember to always grab the seat beside the least argumentative relative and stuff them with the best food. You can do this.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I walk around angry and frustrated most of the time. There are such chaotic problems in my family and personal life that I can’t even put them into words.

It’s just one big mess in my head — a ball of conflicts and horrible history. What can I do to find peace?

Some of the things are too horrible to think about, so I just tend to stress-eat a lot and now I’m gaining a fair bit of weight. What should I do? Please help.

— So Messed Up, Winnipeg

Dear Messed up: It’s time to tell your family doctor what you have said to me here. If you talk to a physician they will listen and get you help. They may be able to steer you in the direction of a psychiatrist or psychologist who could work with you to help you cope better with all the issues that are overwhelming you.

So reach out — there are people out there who can help manage your stress and lift your spirits.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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