Remembering regrettable deals

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 18/07/2018 (2917 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Not everyone has an Amazon purchase horror story. My worst purchase, for instance, was when I ended up with four extra shower curtains for my one-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment. But many do.

Whether they were fooled by one of the fake reviews flooding Amazon lately, or duped by their own human weakness into purchasing something they absolutely did not need, there are a ton of regrettable Amazon purchases out there in the world.

To celebrate Prime Day, which ended Tuesday night, we asked our colleagues and friends to tell us some of their most embarrassing Amazon order history items.

Below is a list of the regrets they have so far.

(And yes, the Washington Post is owned by Jeffrey Bezos, who founded Amazon.)

Two pounds of Old Bay seasoning: I had decided Old Bay is the best dry rub for grilled chicken (either beer can or butterflied whole chicken), and I was running low. Instead of going to the grocery store, I decided to see how much it was on Amazon because I had previously got good deals on relatively big containers of soy sauce or mustard. The best unit price was on this two-pound container of Old Bay, but it was an add-on item. So, I ended up buying these Peruvian sauces that were like US$20 to get the Old Bay, which made the Old Bay not a very good deal anymore. Also, two pounds of Old Bay is only necessary if you own a crab shack. I’ll never use this.

— Brendan Mahoney (@brendanmahoney)

A printout of a Kindle book, three different drain covers, eye stickers, unwearable pants and so many more bad ideas: I preordered the paperback version of The Female Persuasion and instead got a printout of the Kindle.

I bought these harem pants for a hip-hop class that had a bunch of hippie symbols on them and when they arrived they had that Buddhist symbol that looks exactly like a swastika all over them and I decided they were unwearable.

I bought a postcard book of horse paintings for reasons I can’t remember, but I definitely don’t own such an item today.

I bought a roll of 1,000 eye stickers because I thought it would be funny, but they’re still sitting in my kitchen closet unused.

I bought a flapper dress.

Oh, and like four different corsets, none of which I’ve ever worn.

In 2012, I bought a 50-pack of multicoloured CD jewel cases.

— Jess Stahl, director of audio at the Washington Post

A warmer for baby wipes: Not recommended. Yes, your brand-new baby cries when the wipes are cold. However, the warmer never works as intended; it will evaporate all the liquid from the wipes while only heating half of them, rendering them useless.

— Sidney in Connecticut, via Facebook

An empty box: Dumbest thing I’ve ever purchased is this. The description says its an empty box, and I totally didn’t read it.

— Twitter user @LTesta

A book of 19th-century ephemera: There have been lots of dumb impulse buys over the years, but this one was last week and vivid in my memory. I’m a fan of old pulp fiction, so when I ran across a book called A Bit of Brundage I ordered it without reading the description. Margaret Brundage was a pulp artist known for her covers for magazines like Weird Tales. The book arrived very promptly, but this Brundage was Frances. She painted mostly adorable tots for late 19th-century advertising. Very not what I wanted!

— Edith Gill, 72, Clifton, Va.

Bad labels, a terrible guitar pedal, too many green folders: 2009: Sukie Box of Labels. US$15. I used maybe three because they were actually very expensive when I thought about it. Also the glue wasn’t very good. But they were pretty and if I used a glue stick they almost worked. 2011: Danelectro DJ-16 Bacon & Eggs Mini Amp/Distortion Effects Pedal. US$20. It smelled like warm paté and made my son’s guitar sound like it was being played through same.

— Lucy Cash, 47, Winston-Salem, N.C.

400 praying mantis eggs: I ordered 400 praying mantis eggs because I thought they would be neat and I hadn’t ever seen any in Seattle since moving here. Apparently, they wouldn’t have lasted more than one season due to climate, but I also watched a swarm of hornets devour every nymph as they emerged from the egg casing. It was horrifying.

— Michael Paradis, 35, Seattle.

Dog boots, never worn: My Chihuahua was having issues with going out to potty in the winter because her paws got too cold. So I’m thinking these cute boots (UGG boot style even) would be great! She refused to wear them and it was more expensive to return them then to just keep them. They’ve never been worn.

— Rachael West, 27, Sioux Falls, S.D.

120 feet of fairy lights, 12-inch floating moon night light, a giant Virgin Mary throw blanket, books on hand lettering, US$400 in dog toys: For the lights, I decided to make my room look like the night sky. It looked stupid and I took it all down. I bought the giant Virgin Mary throw blanket even though I’m an atheist. It looked warm. Bought the books on hand lettering because it looked fun. I have not hand-lettered anything yet. And I spent US$400 on dog toys in two months out of guilt.

— Marissa Janczewska, via Facebook

— Washington Post