‘I definitely wanted to make him proud’

Donald Stewart’s first reminder came one month after the fact.

The 24-year-old had found ways to distract himself up to that point, but fell into a familiar state of grief as he faced a first in his life: getting a repair estimate for his car.

It sounds silly, Stewart confessed, but the process of dealing with this speed bump was foreign to him.

It’s something his dad would’ve helped him with.

“I think I knew how much I relied on him, but I maybe took it for granted to a certain degree, because I just always thought he’d be there,” Stewart recently told the Free Press in an interview.

The captain of the Winnipeg Wesmen is playing his final season of university men’s basketball with a heavy heart after his dad, Paul Stewart, died following a battle with prostate cancer.

Paul was 62 when he died on June 15, almost exactly one year after he was diagnosed.

His death was as much a shock to Stewart’s family as it was to doctors, who estimated the beloved father, husband and brother would have anywhere from two to five years to live after his diagnosis, depending on how his body responded to treatment.

While there was a feeling of the unknown that permeated their lives from that moment, given the wide-ranging timeline, naturally, the family was optimistic that Paul would be able to buy at least a few extra years of life.

“You kind of feel like some of that was taken away from you, which was hard,” Stewart said.

The disease is prevalent in Stewart’s family. His grandmother died from cancer, and so and aunt. His mother, Jane Nicholls, also successfully overcame an early stage of breast cancer when he was younger.

While this wasn’t Stewart’s first time dealing with this feeling, it didn’t make this pill any easier to swallow. Watching his dad wrestle with the life-altering news “didn’t feel real” to the young adult and weighed on him.

“He was really brave throughout it all… I knew he was struggling with the diagnosis and all those kinds of things, but he was still my dad throughout it all.”

“He was really brave throughout it all,” Stewart said. “Obviously, I knew he was struggling with the diagnosis and all those kinds of things, but he was still my dad throughout it all.

“It was definitely tough to think about — I never imagined him not being there.”

Stewart had one of those storybook-type bonds with his dad. Paul was unwavering in support of his son, never missing an important moment on or off the court and always being an open ear during moments of hardship.

Simon Hildebrandt — who starred for the cross-town rival Manitoba Bisons for two seasons — and Stewart have been best friends since the time they could walk. Hildebrandt knew Paul well and had a front-row seat to the father and son’s relationship at home and in the gym.

“I remember his parents were at every single Wesmen game, I think, Donald ever played at home,” said Hildebrandt. “I remember my first year, basketball nationals were in Halifax… I was just sitting in the airport and boom, there his parents were, all the way to Halifax to watch him play.

“They would go to any length to see him and support him.”

Paul still attended every home game after he was diagnosed.

Born to parents who emigrated from Scotland, Paul was a bookworm and a movie buff who also took his European soccer seriously. Stewart remembers being young and waking up in the early hours of the morning to accompany his dad and grandfather to the Irish Association of Manitoba to watch the Celtic Football Club.

As for basketball, that was not Paul’s forté, but he still found a way to bond with his son over the game.

“It meant a lot to me how much of an interest he would take in it,” Stewart said. “It was kind of fun to talk to him about games, because he was genuinely interested in, ‘What is a pick-and-roll? What’s the strategy behind it?’ I got to university, and then my (role) kind of changed… and we would talk about how the game’s evolving and some of that stuff.

“Obviously, It would have meant a lot to me if he just said, ‘Hey, I’m proud of you and you’re playing well, and I’m happy that you’re working hard,’ but the fact that he was taking a really genuine interest and was approaching this thing that probably wouldn’t have been a passion for him, if not for me… meant a lot. I miss those conversations now.”

Paul was honoured ahead of the Wesmen home opener against Brandon on Oct. 26.

His wife sat in their usual spot, joined by close to 50 friends and family, some of whom flew from out-of-province to watch their son begin his final season on the court.

“That was really special, because obviously he meant a lot to me as a player in the game, and I think people from U of W would tell you something similar,” Stewart said.

“The fact that he was taking a really genuine interest and was approaching this thing that probably wouldn’t have been a passion for him, if not for me… meant a lot. I miss those conversations now.”

Paul was a donor to the University of Winnipeg’s scholarship fund, and his support for the school’s athletics went beyond the men’s basketball team — as he took in a fair share of volleyball matches and soccer games.

“It was really cool to look up and see a big group of people and know that we kind of have that support system for both of us. And then, that night and throughout (the season) with the team, the guys have been great.”

Much like he does as captain, Stewart, who is an only child, has put on a brave face for his mom in recent months as he assumes a larger role in their household. Together, they learn every day about the little things Paul handled without a peep.

“It seems trivial now, but he handled all of our finance stuff, and it was his account on a lot of the streaming or whatever kind of services,” Stewart said. “Or the fire alarm would go off, and he knew what kind of batteries were in it, and neither of us did.”

Dad stuff?

“Absolutely. Dad stuff,” Stewart said.

“My mom was really strong throughout it all, but us going through that together was really hard. Just so many things that both of us relied on him for that you kind of don’t realize, were really challenging to kind of navigate.”

“I definitely wanted to make him proud, and wanted to end my career on my own terms, and be successful and have another successful season.”

Stewart said he wonders if he’s truly done grieving. Perhaps some of the feelings that he’s pushed down will spill out once this season is over.

For now, he’s focused on making the most of every day, something he has succeeded in doing while leading his team. The nationally ranked No. 7 Wesmen are 7-3 on the season, good for second place in the Prairie Division of the Canada West conference at the winter break.

Another trip to the Canada West playoffs is within reach, and maybe even another trip to nationals. Like his new world, that too is something Stewart will navigate.

“I definitely wanted to make him proud, and wanted to end my career on my own terms, and be successful and have another successful season,” Stewart said. “That means a lot to me, to be on the team that I am, and to play for the U of W and to sort of play at the level we have over the course of my career.”

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