Mourinho and Saudi Pro League, the perfect fit

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 19/01/2024 (597 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

ROME – José Mourinho loves a good story. That is, provided it’s about himself – “himself” being whatever character he’s pretending to be for his latest autobiographical yarn.

Most recently, and it’s not the first time he’s brought this particular costume out from the tickle trunk, the now ex-Roma boss has been playing the part of a much-beloved child wizard.

“Their coach is José ‘Harry Potter’ Mourinho, and he raises expectations,” he proclaimed after last week’s derby loss to Lazio in which his side lacked even the semblance of magic.

He was sacked six days later. Hardly a sparkling conclusion to the fantasy.

That said, it wasn’t very long ago that Mourinho and the Giallorossi were, in fact, living together in a football fairy tale.

Exactly two years ago, AS Roma were at the outset of a three-month unbeaten run that would take them from eighth to fifth in Serie A. Stadio Olimpico was regularly full and typically merry, and the former Chelsea, Real Madrid and Inter Milan manager had willingly succumbed to the eternal city’s spell.

He rode a Vespa. They loved him for it. He kissed the badge. They loved him even more. He won them the inaugural UEFA Conference League. They gave him a triumph.

As is Mourinho’s way, however, he also complained about referees, antagonized his players and picked fights with the media. Wednesday’s Gazzetta dello Sport, as an example, went small with his departure and big with his replacement – longtime Roma midfielder and World Cup winner Daniele De Rossi, who arrived at the club’s Trigoria training complex mere moments after the Portuguese left it.

Which means president Dan Friedkin already had De Rossi lined up and was simply waiting for the right time to break the news to the not-so-Special One. It would have been an intriguing phone call.

“Olà.”

“Good morning, José.”

“Hi Dan. Want to ride Vespas up and down the street in front of Sarri’s house?” (laughs)

“José, I live in Houston.”

“Muito ruim, Dan. I hope there is not a…problem.” (laughs)

“José, I’m just calling to let you know that the club has decided to go in a different dir…” (interrupted)

“REPELLO MUGGLETUM!” (waves imaginary wand)

“José?”

“Uh oh.”

The thing about Mourinho is the magic rarely lasts beyond a season or two, if that.

Inevitably, his act transforms from charming to grating, his teams wake up to the fact that it’s really just a muggles’ world out there, and he’s obliged to go elsewhere to continue make-believing that he’s still a good manager.

If there was any doubt as to the extent of the 60-year-old’s delusion, it was revealed after that same derby defeat when he expounded on the virtues of professionalism – a term that has rarely been associated with him for more than a decade.

“I’ve been [at Roma] for two years and five months and I’m the only person here who hasn’t missed a single training session in that time,” he said in a not-so-subtle jab at certain players he’d previously singled out for perceived fragility. Back in November, for instance, he remarked that defender Chris Smalling, out with an injured knee, couldn’t play through pain and “maybe struggles to sleep with a toothache.”

He added: “If there is a perfect example of professionalism, it is me.”

Perhaps true, if it’s Opposite Day. A juvenile reference, sure, although such is the level of childishness with which Mourinho has long conducted himself.

This is a person, don’t forget, who publicly mused that Manchester United left-back Luke Shaw didn’t have a brain, who showed up at Tottenham midfielder Tanguy Ndombele’s house uninvited and compelled the Frenchman to undergo impromptu training (in violation of the COVID-19 restrictions at the time), who was hauled before an employment tribunal regarding his treatment of one-time Chelsea physiotherapist Eva Carneiro.

Professionalism, indeed.

One shudders to think what Mourinho considers “unprofessional” behaviour. But then, not much of the world he’s created for himself tends to emulate what anyone else would consider the real one.

Something that does seem mutually certain, however, is the potentially ideal scenario of management in Saudi Arabia.

Less than 48 hours after leaving the Italian capital, Mourinho was interviewed, according to Kingdom-owned Asharq Al-Awsat, by the sporting director of Al-Shabab via Zoom. Talk about the perfect fit.

Saudi Pro League clubs have no expectations beyond possessing high-profile personnel. Additionally — and this would suit Mourinho down to the ground — there’s an inherent absence of scruples regarding everything from gender hierarchies to geopolitics to the physical environment. In the futuristic mega-playground for the ultra-wealthy known as Neom, the Saudis are literally building an alternate reality for people exactly like Mourinho.

Now, in purely footballing terms, this is a league about as deep in the wilderness as Voldemort’s hideout in an Albanian forest. But maybe that’s the point. Having laid low and regenerated, Mourinho may plan to return for one more prominent job, perhaps at a national team.

If so, someone may want to tell him how the story ends — and that he is not Harry Potter.

Instead, he’d do well to consider a chronicle of the first century Roman poet Ovid, who wrote, “In our play we reveal what kind of people we are.”

jerradpeters@gmail.com

X @JerradPeters