The difference between criticism and bullying

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/05/2024 (495 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

It was a ridiculous thing to do.

I offer no excuse other than to say it was cold, I was in a hurry, and the entire video shoot lasted way longer than intended.

On the last take, I grabbed the only warm clothing I had in my car, draped the faux fur-trimmed cape over my shoulders, and proceeded with the outdoor recording.

The end result goes down in memory as an embarrassing moment of “what the heck was I thinking?”

Public ridicule was swift. I mean, who wears a fake fur-trimmed cape to film a government video on affordability? I suppose I got what I deserved, garnering memes and ridicule that not even my adult children could avoid, even though they’d mostly learned the art of tuning out that sort of thing involving their mother.

So why am I telling you this embarrassing story about one of my most shameful moments?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the toxicity of shame and its impact on our collective consciousness. Recently we heard of yet another politician calling it quits because of intense hate, rage, and verbal abuse.

But it’s not just politicians and high-profile people who are vulnerable. Nowadays, all it takes is being in a community with a Facebook page to run the risk of public scorn.

Case in point: a new family moved into the neighbourhood and had a load of topsoil delivered to their yard. Unfortunately, a mound was dumped in such a way that it obstructed a pathway. As these things go, most assumed it would be cleared within a day or two, which it was.

Meanwhile, rage spilled online. Someone posted about the transgression on the neighbourhood Facebook page while another called 311 to complain.

The disgruntled commentary took on a life of its own, as these things do, and suddenly it was fodder for an entire community, as opposed to someone privately knocking on the transgressor’s door and kindly asking for resolution.

Garden-variety conflict resolution that used to occur in private is now often aired in a public arena.

Garden-variety conflict resolution that used to occur in private is now often aired in a public arena. Unless you’re someone with the steeliest resolve, emotions run higher in these situations, creating shame, embarrassment and less goodwill all around.

It must be said that many people on that neighbourhood Facebook page offered friendly and welcoming words to the new family while challenging naysayers to consider practising a better approach to resolving disputes. I hope the new neighbours feel welcome, although undoubtedly the entire episode left a bad taste.

Sadly, this sort of thing happens all the time. We’ve become a society of keyboard warriors.

Those most at risk are kids and teens who are, in many ways, growing up in an online cesspool of our creation. Social media bullying is dramatic and hurtful for anyone, but according to experts, adolescents are less resilient to shame and its corollary anxiety and depression.

Youth who experience bullying are more likely to have headaches, stomach aches, backaches and difficulty sleeping on one end of the spectrum, with suicidal ideation and self harm on the other.

Awareness, treatment and prevention in this area is greatly needed, and thankfully a groundwork is established and growing. BullyingCanada is a youth support network that provides help to anyone school aged, and intervention awareness is gathering steam through initiatives like Pink Shirt Day and anti-bullying policies in schools.

It’s also incumbent upon all of us to model better behaviour. While I no longer have skin in the game regarding how politicians are treated, it does worry me that our high tolerance and acceptance for trolling and hate could ultimately win the day.

As good people become increasingly dissuaded from running for office, we run the risk of being left with only the types of leaders who are immune to shame, the ones who don’t care what others have to say about them, as long as they’re saying something. In other words, narcissists. And that’s not a world any of us want.

The famous Theodore Roosevelt quote about striving valiantly and daring greatly in the face of opposition is timelessly captured in his speech “It is not the critic who counts,” a much-needed reminder to persevere even in the face of criticism.

Life will always include opposing viewpoints, debate, and criticism. It’s part of a healthy society. But there’s a vast difference between being a critic and a bully.

Learning the difference is key to creating discourse and debate that will serve us all in the long run.

Rochelle Squires is a recovering politician after serving 7½ years in the Manitoba legislature. She is a political and social commentator whose column appears Tuesdays.