Men must step up on issue of abuse — now

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/01/2025 (447 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

In response to a recent op-ed piece I wrote on the protection of children (It’s time to act to protect children — all children, Dec. 27) I was asked two haunting questions which paraphrased would be: “Why do men feel entitled to abuse women and children?” and “When will men start being held accountable for their violent tendencies?”

Given the fact that there are almost equal numbers of men and women in the world, these are fair questions because statistically men are overwhelmingly more prone to violence than women.

Although I am not qualified to answer the “why” and “when” questions I can certainly imagine the palpable frustration and desperation. My attempts to raise the issue of male violence with men have mostly been met with indifference, as in “not my problem,” “I’m not an abuser,” “that’s just the way things are” and “there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Not good enough.

Violence perpetrated by men is an issue which deserves to be openly acknowledged and publicly addressed. Men need to talk about inclinations to violence that many of us hold and collectively take steps to reduce and eliminate them generally, but more specifically, and firstly, against women and children.

In Canada as elsewhere, according to recent reports, intimate partner violence (IPV) has sharply increased. According to 2023 data from Statistics Canada, women and girls are seven times as likely to be victims of intimate partner violence than men and boys. According to 2022 government statistics, 44 per cent of women over 15 in Canada reported some form of abuse, the most prevalent forms being physical, sexual and emotional. StatCan also reported 79 per cent of those murdered between 2009 and 2022 by intimate partners were women and girls.

Is the Pelicot case in France an anomaly? Are the recent murder-suicides in Ontario and Nova Scotia exceptions? Or do we just not hear about most of them? Even more troubling, lurking beneath these horrific statistics and examples, according to social agencies, are many victims who do not disclose or seek help for reasons of fear, stigma, shame or lack of faith in the criminal justice system. Unaccounted for are the numbers who, out of desperation, commit suicide as a response of abuse. Even when women’s shelters already can’t meet the demands. An overwhelming majority of perpetrators are men.

The child sexual abuse (CSA) statistics are equally appalling, conceivably even more upsetting and shocking. Well over 80 per cent of instances of child abuse and child exploitation are initiated and promoted by family members or close trusted acquaintances, much the same as IPV. Girls under 12, the most vulnerable, are most frequently targeted, and whereas the perpetrators used to be older men, an increasing number of these cases now involve older teenage boys. An alarming development which does not bode well for the future.

Many explanations are offered for this state of affairs. Strong correlations exist between some men’s violent tendencies and intergenerational violence, male religious entitlement to female dominance, stubborn gender inequality, the encouragement of “tough guy” mentality in sports to just plain incurable perversion and/or any combination of the above and more. The “your body, my choice” mantra gone viral with young men in the U.S. might be the most malicious convergence of all of them. These excuses are no justification, and all of them should be deemed problematic, providing reasons for recognition, acknowledgment and a determined, unrelenting search for remedy.

There are some hopeful signs. Our premier supported a landfill search to bring some closure to the horrific murders of young Indigenous women, thereby acknowledging that every life lost or damaged is worthy of our redress. The Canadian Centre for Ethics in Sports in August appointed Signy Arnason, longtime crusader for child protection at the Canadian Centre for Child Protection, as new executive director of Safe Sports. Many churches have embraced women in leadership and have adopted policies denouncing male entitlement and their former “submissive wife” doctrines. Progress has been made in pay equity across a number of public sectors. And there has been an uptake on legislation to reduce online harm. And courageous Indigenous women are leading the way in revealing and addressing a history of injustices on reserve and beyond. Nevertheless, a much greater effort is needed in all those areas.

Those puny gains are offset by less hopeful signs. We have made small steps in gender inequality but they are being undone by CEO appointments (97 out of the top paid CEOs in Canada are male). U.S. Republican politicians are decrying women in the army and other areas of work. Women’s pay still lags behind that of men in equal jobs, and far right politicians who are on the rise are predominantly men, a considerable number with sordid and exploitative sexual histories.

Despite attempts around the world to stamp out child pornography and sexual abuse of children, online harm persists and is increasing. And as mentioned earlier, despite increased awareness, intimate partner violence is on the rise.

Women have every right to be resentful and fearful. Mothers worry that they will be unable to protect their children, especially their daughters. They themselves cannot expect much protection from law enforcement, from a slowly moving justice system which often lets victimizers off lightly, and from male politicians who want violated women to share a major part of the blame for their own victimization.

We are in a world in trouble because of our penchant for seeing violence as justification and tool for pursuit of vengeance, retribution and domination, a world dominated by men in leadership.

For starters, we men (me included) need to listen to, hear and acknowledge the many women who are hurting, who are fearful, who have lost their faith in humanity, who have lost loved ones and who feel they cannot protect, nurture and protect their children are justified in feeling that way. We need to bring up and educate our boys and young men to honour and respect women and girls and their bodies. And we need to speak up loudly and often when our fellow men make disrespectful and hurtful comments about women and their places in the world. The answer to the “when should we start working against violence?” is now!

John R. Wiens is dean emeritus at the faculty of education, University of Manitoba.