Imagine NFL hype for Sunday showdown

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 05/11/2009 (5802 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

The inner beauty of the CFL is that it never pretends to be something else.

The best team in the league has by far the smallest stadium, many of the most talented players are veritable wallflowers — some of them, according to our sources, don’t even know how to “make it rain.” And even the most highly anticipated showdowns don’t involve three-hour, hyperventilating pre-game shows, entire teams of graphic designers and 3-D simulations of a delayed safety blitz. Because, you know, actual footage wouldn’t involve tens of thousands of dollars in useless, eye-candy technology.

In short, the CFL is not the NFL, perhaps the most bloated, unapologetic star machine in all of professional sports.

And for the next few days, that’s too bad.

Because could you possibly imagine what levels of exaggeration — how many TV trucks, blow-dried talking heads, items of breathless gossip — would be required to cover Sunday’s showdown between the Blue Bombers and Tiger-Cats if the game was an NFL production?

Good heavens, man, Terry Bradshaw’s head would explode in mid-mangled syntax.

The only thing missing from Brett Favre’s return to Green Bay last week was a crucifix. It was as though the entire past and future of both the Minnesota Vikings and Packers — nay, civilization itself — hung in the balance between Bud Lite commercials.

Such is the marketing genius of The League.

There’s no storyline that can’t be torqued into the ultimate morality tale of a) betrayal; b) redemption; c) revenge; or d) overcoming adversity and the love of supermodels to grasp victory on a patch of painted gridiron.

It works and it can be delicious. After all, why would professional sports be a multibillion-dollar global industry if there wasn’t the frailty of human nature; if there wasn’t the interlocking drama that marinates almost every contest at some personal level.

This about it: The one man who stands between the Bombers and salvation is Kevin Glenn. You remember Glenn, right? Played in Winnipeg for a few years. Might have won a Grey Cup, too, if not for breaking his arm in the East Final a couple years back.

Of course, Glenn was pretty much subsequently run out of Winnipeg on a rail. Nobody shed any tears. Besides, incoming head coach Mike Kelly was cleaning house, so Glenn was one of the first pieces of used furniture to get tossed out by the dumpster.

Of course, Kelly was chosen as Bombers head coach last year over former defensive co-ordinator Greg Marshall, who seems to be the second-best guy on everybody’s list. Oh, no, Marshall won’t hold any grudges against Bombers GM Lyle Bauer. That’s why, after not getting the Bombers head job, he quit.

And, for the record, Kelly wasn’t necessarily planning to blow up the Bombers until free agent offensive lineman Dominic Picard and Alexandre Gauthier screwed up his plans by bolting, too.

And lest we forget former Bombers star quarterback, Khari Jones, who expressed interest in joining Winnipeg as a quarterbacks coach. Jones didn’t get a sniff. After all, only Kelly was going to touch the quarterbacks. So Jones grumbled and moved on.

But who would have thought it would come to this: On Sunday, Glenn, the unwanted QB; Marshall, who didn’t get the job; Gauthier, who said, ‘No thanks’; and Jones, who was told, ‘No thanks,’ are all coming back in Tiger-Cats uniforms. Not just for another game, either.

You see, both the Bombers and Tiger-Cats franchises are suffering. Both desperately need a victory to validate their programs under new head coaches. It goes deeper. Both teams are leaking fans; the Ticats are trying to lure them back after several Gawd-awful seasons and the Bombers are trying to keep them from jumping ship. Both need that home playoff game not just for their immediate financial health, but for next season’s sales pitch.

Kevin Glenn wants to prove to the very fans that rejected him that they made a huge mistake.

Mike Kelly wants to prove to those same fans that Lyle Bauer didn’t make a huge mistake.

You see, this is not just about a football game anymore. And for months now, since it was first put on the schedule, many observers wondered, “Geez, wouldn’t it be nice if that game meant something?” Yeah? Well, what if it meant everything?

What if it meant Glenn’s redemption? What if it mean Kelly’s validation?

What if it meant the difference between the promise of the playoffs next week and beyond — versus eight long months of grumbling, excuses and second-guessing about all of the above?

Brett Favre, eat your heart out.

randy.turner@freepress.mb.ca

Randy Turner
Reporter

Randy Turner spent much of his journalistic career on the road. A lot of roads. Dirt roads, snow-packed roads, U.S. interstates and foreign highways. In other words, he got a lot of kilometres on the odometer, if you know what we mean.

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