Find someone like him… who’s single

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/02/2010 (6093 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I am totally in love with a married man. The other day I saw him and nearly blurted out, "I love you so much. Divorce your wife to be with me!" What should I do? — Silently Suffering., Winnipeg

 

Dear Silently Suffering: The smartest thing you can do is analyze everything you admire about him, make a fully detailed list, and start looking for someone single who’s just like him. Break down the whole of the man into the parts that you like — physical, mental, emotional and social. Then formalize it by writing a Love Script that says. "I am ready to meet the love of my life who is… and list every last detail on paper. Don’t be general, thinking you’ll find someone easier. It works the opposite way. Put that note in your wallet and take it out and review it whenever you have a moment. The better memorized it is, the easier for your brain to find your new love. The part of your brain that does the sorting — the reticular activator — will keep looking for that man even when you’re doing some other things. People who have done this report that bells and whistles will go off when you meet him. There are lots of people in the world who are similar to one another, so it’s not as big a leap as you think. To co-operate with your brain on this project, you must get out a lot more socially, for the period of a year. You can do that and have fun!

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Ten years ago I was with this amazing man who treated me like a queen. He cared very deeply for me and he wanted me to move there, and he kept every letter/picture anything I sent him. But when I went out there to see him I got scared and told him I was seeing someone else in Manitoba, when I wasn’t, because I was scared this might be another long distance (relationship) where I got my heart broken. Three years ago he found me on Facebook and we were going to meet, but he backed out. Last week he said he had to come to Winnipeg for business and again said he wants to see me all week when he is here. When I said yes, and asked when he’s coming, he avoided the question. I had even asked him if he is still hurt and angry with me over what I said to him 10 years ago, and I told him it was the biggest mistake I ever made. No answers. Do you think this man still has feelings for me? He said he forgave me when we talked, but I’m not sure if he fully has. — Confused

 

Dear Confused: You have written me in the past about this. Let this obsession go — it’s been 10 whole years! Forgiving is not forgetting for most people. To this Ontario man, you are the flame that burned him — and he’s not able to go back to you. He plays with the idea, and then remembers the scars he got from messing with you. He can’t trust you — certainly not long distance — even though he’s physically attracted. That does not make for a good relationship now, or ever. Let him go, forgive yourself and start fresh with someone else, having learned your lesson. You’re wasting your emotional life and your time

 

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com