Santa prepared to answer hard questions at variety show

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/12/2018 (2808 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

ONCE more unto the breach, dear friends, once more!

What I’m trying to say is that on Sunday afternoon — for the final time this holiday season — Uncle Doug will be slipping into a sweltering red-velvet suit to support a swell local charity.

Last month, instead of watching the CFL playoffs on my big-screen TV, I spent four hours portraying Jolly Old St. Nick and having my photo taken with hundreds of jittery dogs and cats in the foyer of the Free Press at a Pet Pics with Santa Paws fundraiser in support of the Winnipeg Humane Society.

It was the 12th straight year I have put on a spiffy Santa suit only to have it liberally coated in gallons of dog drool and cat hair.

Earlier this week, I was given the chance to stuff myself into the big black boots and entertain tiny humans at Winter Wonderland, a Christmas party organized by Variety, the Children’s Charity of Manitoba, for 300 economically disadvantaged elementary school children.

You will be surprised to hear there are a few differences when you are playing Santa for kids as opposed to pets. With kids, the main concern is they will go into a sugar-fuelled frenzy and beat Santa senseless with their candy canes, whereas with dogs, the main hazard is they will rip Santa’s arms off when they attempt to escape his big red throne.

Which brings us to Santa Doug’s final (whew!) appearance of the holiday season — Bury the Lede Live: A Holiday Podcast Spectacular! on Sunday at 2 p.m. at the West End Cultural Centre in support of Miracle on Mountain.

What with being a middle-aged, overweight newspaper columnist, I was pretty proud when my colleagues Jen Zoratti and Erin Lebar invited me to join them onstage for a live recording of their popular podcast/holiday concert/variety show.

The general idea is that I will stumble onstage in the persona of Santa and Jen and Erin will grill me about the life of the hardest-working holiday elf in show business.

“Basically, we want to interview you as Santa — how the prep is going, etc. — plus a few hard-hitting journalistic questions for hilarity (‘We hear the elves are planning to unionize, care to comment?’). No softballs just because you’re Santa, Santa!” is how Jen explained it to me in an email.

Initially, I had planned on showing up sporting an extremely cheesy $12.99 Canadian Tire version of Santa’s hat and beard, along with a hideously ugly Christmas sweater, but the nice folks at Mallabar cut me an awesome deal to keep the Santa costume I wore at Winter Wonderland for an extra week.

What that means is when you show up for the big holiday podcast on Sunday, you will get to watch a sweaty guy in a top-notch Santa suit, as opposed to a low-rent knockoff version.

It’s going to be an incredible, festive, family-friendly show featuring a ton of local talent, including Sandy Taronno (Quinzy, Indicator Indicator), Rusty Matyas (Imaginary Cities, Middle of Nowhere), indie-pop group Mise en Scene, ukulele comedy duo Bunny and sketch comedy group HUNKS, to name just a few.

Tickets are only $20 and are available at Ticketfly.com and at the door. What you need to know is all proceeds from the show go to Miracle on Mountain, the Free Press’s annual fundraising campaign for the Christmas Cheer Board, which provides hampers and joy to those in need at this time of year.

Another incentive: if you bring a tin for the bin, you can be entered to win a prize pack that includes two tickets each to the Manitoba Opera’s The Barber of Seville in April; the Winnipeg Symphony Orchestra’s Bach, Mendelssohn & Schumann: Favourite Melodies in January; What to Do About Albert? at Prairie Theatre Exchange in April; and Matilda the Musical at Royal Manitoba Theatre Centre in January — as well as five Free Press books: City Beautiful; Back in the Bigs; The First Season; The Greatest Manitobans; and Premonitions of War.

The point Uncle Doug is trying to make is that Jen and Erin have put a ton of energy into arranging this holiday show in an effort to raise funds for the cheer board and to bring a bunch of us together to celebrate the season.

So drop whatever you are doing right now — unless it’s a baby or a mug of steaming coffee — and buy a bunch of tickets, because who wouldn’t want to watch a pudgy guy sweating like a Butterball turkey stuffed into a red-velvet suit? Now, that’s what Santa calls entertainment.

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca