50 losses in a row? It’s just not cricket

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 20/01/2017 (3487 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Let’s be kind and simply say the Ray Kohanik team is on a sticky wicket at the Manitoba Open bonspiel.

The players on the team are, shall we politely say, a revolving array of recreational curlers with barely a glimmer of hope of stepping onto the ice and actually winning a game — perhaps, ever.

But that’s just fine and dandy with them.

In fact, it’s become a badge of honour for the members of the Taverners C.C. — that’s cricket club, not curling club — who shocked no one by dropping a 10-3 decision Friday morning to some wingnuts who registered under the team name Stiffy, playing out of the Grain Exchange, a club demolished by heavy machinery five years ago.

For the Taverners, the defeat represented not only a huge improvement over the 17-0 shellacking suffered Thursday night to the Coard Allard team from Charleswood, it also represented a milestone for the fellows, who take to the ice in their best cricket whites and pads.

Whoever’s turn it is to skip this band of wags holds a cricket bat, modified with a brush screwed into the end, for shooters to aim their rocks at.

It was a 50th consecutive loss for 12 not-even-remotely angry men to have comprised this team since it debuted eight years ago at the event formerly known as the MCA Bonspiel. Just do the math: six straight losses a year, for eight years, plus a pair of losses this week.

They don’t recognize the two or three default victories they’ve been credited with over the years — nor should they, said Philip Munro-Smith, one of the originals who flew in from Vancouver Island where he now resides, to take part in the fun of failure.

He, along with fellow New Zealander Sid Roberts, Jon Page of Great Britain and Keith James, a non-curling Winnipegger at the time, formed the team in 2009 during, as one can imagine, cocktail hour somewhere in town.

“I was the instigator. We were in a pub one night and I said, ‘Look, I want to enter the bonspiel. Is anybody interested?’ And the other guys put their hands up,” Munro-Smith said. “We had one set of brooms and one slider and gripper between us, and there we go.

“And we haven’t won a game since. A few times nobody from the other side showed up but we don’t count those. It’s on the ice that counts. We’re 0-and-50. I wanted to be here for that game, it’s quite a significant anniversary.”

He said they’re always well-received by the teams they come up against.

“They know we’re an easy game. Ninety-nine per cent of them get into the spirit of it and have a good time, and appreciate we’re here trying to win but mostly just having a good time,” he said. “We haven’t been fortunate to play a (Kerry) Burtnyk or a (Jeff) Stoughton but we were involved in the opening ceremonies once. We got piped in.”

Those who’ve joined in the ensuing years include Kohanik, Nigel Wilcox, David Hakes, Karran Bayney, Imdad Ali, Hein Peters, Karl Jaikaransingh and Martin Daibee.

“The cricket club is primarily made up of Englishmen, New Zealanders, a gentleman from Guyana and South Africa. None of us had curled. We just thought it was a social event and we’d give it a go,” said Wilcox, a native of Nottingham, England, who emigrated to Canada in 1992.

“Everybody recognizes us because of our uniforms. Everyone’s happy to play us, we’ve made a lot of friends and we’ve even had curlers come to give cricket a go with us.”

Wilcox said they twice have come within inches of winning in lower events — and also of giving up an eight-ender.

“When you get toward the later stages, you’re also playing teams that have lost four or five in a row. We had an infamous game against a team that was dressed as pirates about three years ago. They managed to beat us in a close one,” said the phys-ed teacher at Prince Edward School, an elementary school in East Kildonan. “We also had one where we were actually winning by two in the last end and managed to lose.

“We also had one last year when I was skipping and a team stole seven on us, just inches away from stealing eight.”

Play and miss, Taverners… play and miss.

Three spots on line

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The Manitoba Open definitely has its silly side, but there are also dozens and dozens of men’s teams that are deadly serious about the ‘spiel this weekend.

They’re all gunning for one of three spots on the line for the 2017 Viterra provincial men’s championship, set for early February in Portage la Prairie.

The full bonspiel — offering the provincial spots to teams that meet provincial eligibility requirements — has attracted 252 teams. Another 56 are participating in the half bonspiel.

Fourteen curling clubs are being used to host the bonspiel, now in its 129th year and fourth as the Manitoba Open. It wraps up Monday at 7 p.m., with 13 event finals split between the Charleswood and Heather clubs.

jason.bell@freepress.mb.caTwitter: @WFPJasonBell