Naked truth about girlfriend’s lifestyle exposed

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/07/2015 (4082 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend lives on an acreage outside of Winnipeg. Her place is protected by bush and people cannot see anything until they get right into the yard. She also has two dogs that bark to announce everyone’s arrival. I just stayed my second weekend with her and she confessed she’s a nudist, and since the weather was so lovely we should just strip off for the day.

Although I have had wild and crazy sex with this woman, this nude thing is a whole other ball game. Although I think both of us look great naked in the bedroom, I think we both look kind of weird walking around the yard, mowing the grass or bending over to feed the animals. I just want my jeans back! I don’t need a shirt really, but I just feel so overexposed and under-tanned. I don’t care if she does it alone, but I just don’t feel like playing the nudist role.

This morning took the cake. A buddy of mine and his girlfriend took a drive in the country and decided to drop in and see what we were up to. What we were doing was struggling into our clothes as they pulled up. They thought they caught us having sex, but my girlfriend said, “No, we’re nudists.” My buddy started pulling off his shirt and I said, “No, no, it’s OK. That’s just our thing when we’re alone.”

Actually, it’s not my thing, but the word got out fast — I got a few text messages that I could have done without. I think I could fall in love with this girl, but I don’t want to be a nudist. Any suggestions? — Feeling Exposed, Winnipeg

Dear Exposed: The buddies who are teasing you are jealous. They may not know that it’s uncomfortable for you to be totally nude in the yard. Tell the closest friend with a big mouth that it takes a little getting used to and it was a surprise for you, too. If you meet their mocking with sincerity and have a decent conversation about it, they’ll probably knock it off. Nudism without sex is not very sexual, but people who have never experienced nudism outside the bedroom think it’s risqué.

Hang in there for a few more weeks and see if it becomes normal and pleasurable to be out in the summer weather without clothes. You might like it, or you might hate it. It will take you at least a month to know if this can be a lifestyle for you. If not, and your girlfriend’s really committed to it, you’ll need to set her free to find somebody else who will enjoy it.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I don’t know why my girlfriend’s flipping out. She had no business looking at my phone when I was in the bathroom. The volume was on, and I heard the sound it makes when you unlock it. She went to my text messages and saw the last 10 people I talked to. Half of them are my buddies and the other half — four or five — were some girls I’ve been talking to recently. She screamed, “I don’t talk to anyone but you, and you’re talking to half the girls I know!” I asked her what the problem was since they are some new friends. “They’re not your friends. I just introduced them to you,” she said. Has this girl got a jealousy problem or what? — Guilty of Nothing, St. Vital

Dear Guilty: How would you like it if you had taken her to the bar and she later flirted up a storm with four or five of your buddies on the phone? You would hate it! If you want to keep her, back off from her girlfriends. Flirting with her besties makes it impossible for her to trust you. If you really care about her, stay off the phone with the women she introduces you to.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6