Forgo faceoff and augment wife’s self-esteem

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m married to a woman who’s older than I am, and it’s the second marriages for both of us. She’s beautiful, even after having what she calls “a few nips and tucks.”

Seriously, it was more than a few.

Her former husband insisted she had to appear a lot younger than him — so ridiculous!

I’ve never seen even one picture of her when she was not wrinkle-free.

Recently, however, her slightly older sister from Toronto came to visit us. She has never had any face procedures done, and has a big natural smile with dimples and a couple of laugh lines going up from her eyes, which make her look happy. I love them!

Should I tell my wife about this, or would it make her cry after all she’s been through? I can’t stand it when she’s sad.

— Loving Husband, Tuxedo

Dear Loving Husband: Don’t tell your wife you think her sister looks better than she does as they’ve both aged, even if she asks you. Physical beauty has too long been an issue in her life. However, do tell her you find her beautiful inside and out and want her to be happy and healthy. Then, just let it go.

Beauty at any price was too long an issue in your mate’s former life, and everybody around her should relax about it. Only then will she be able to stop worrying about whether she needs more “work” done to her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a teacher in the city and have all my summers off. This year we lived out at the lake for July and August, and my husband commuted a lot of the time to his job in the city.

I got used to being one of the country folks. I made a point of meeting a number of people from the town near our lake, and I really like them. My husband? Not so much — he couldn’t care less about new rural friends.

So now, we have a problem brewing. I have a lot of money saved, and he does too. I’d like to better winterize our cottage (or even buy or build more cold-hardy one) and teach at a school located near our lake. My husband would rather spend our savings on winter holidays in tropical places. He also really hates the idea of commuting to work “in terrible weather, for months!” as he puts it.

This is causing a lot of tension between us now that we’re back in the city. I’m really missing the lake and my new friends out there, but he isn’t missing that scene at all. Please help me!

— Country Convert, Winnipeg

Dear Country Convert: Since you have a somewhat winterized cottage, it’s time to start using it more — to see and feel what winter in cottage country really feels like. Your husband may find he actually kind of likes it — or you may discover you don’t!

It would also help if you got involved in some community activities in the winter — like curling, for instance. It could also be fun to bring adult friends together for cards or board-game tournaments or skating on the lake.

Think of yourself as a tour guide this winter and really check the area out, so it’s not just a romanticized rural fantasy — especially in your husband’s mind.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I can see the leaves changing now, and it’s beautiful for a few weeks, but I hate real autumn, when the foliage falls to the ground and dries out, and the sky turns so grey and bleak.

To make myself feel better in September, I used to book two trips every year in early autumn — one to Mexico and then a second to a warm destination I’m interested in exploring. I’m trying to avoid the worst trouble spots — but there are so many of them now. I’m starting to feel depressed just thinking of the many dicey situations around the world.

— Worried Winter Traveller, St. James

Dear Worried: Instead of staying home and being bored and blue, see an experienced travel agent for advice on interesting destinations other than those which might be experiencing serious political strife or dangerous weather events.

Travellers returning home from sports-related holidays, places of historical interest or visits to overseas relatives are still having great holidays and you can too. It just takes a little more research and help from an experienced travel-planner.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.