Marriage was doomed from the start
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Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 26/02/2016 (3843 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife was married, but I wasn’t, or so I thought. When we were dating hot and heavy and she wanted to discuss commitment, I told her I probably wouldn’t be true blue. I said if we were married, she was welcome to discreetly have a little something for herself on the side once things got boring, but if anyone saw her, or I caught her, we were finished. I have a reputation to protect in the business world.
She said she didn’t know why I felt I had to say that to her and wanted to know why she wouldn’t be enough. I told her I was married twice before and things get boring after a while. It’s not anyone’s fault, it’s just the way life is. She married me anyway, and that beautiful woman turned out to be an elegant host and made sure I was never bored in three years. She never abused the credit cards and my friends liked her. Oddly for me, I was true to her.
Imagine my shock when she met me at the door last week and told me she was leaving me for another man. I asked how she found time to see another man when she was home with me every night. “I thought we were happy,” I said. She just smiled and said, “There are 24 hours in a day.”
As she was pulling suitcases out of the bedroom, she said, “You told me you’d cheat on me at some point, so I kept my eyes open and found somebody who would be true.” Then she handed me back her house and car keys and wedding rings and said, “If it’s OK, I’ll keep my clothes.” A taxi pulled up and she left. Just like that. Cool as can be.
Now I feel like I’m going crazy. I never cheated on her! In three years that woman didn’t work outside the house one single day — just looked after me. I was living like a king and loved my wife for a change. Now what? I’m a big guy with a great business, but I’m a total wreck. I hurt so much. I know I love her because I cried for the first time in 30 years. Please help.
— Knocked Down, Winnipeg
Dear Knocked Down: The first thing you need to do is set up professional help with a psychologist, so you can heal faster and avoid getting back into your doomed-from-the-start pattern, which isn’t working for you anymore, if it ever did. You didn’t believe in love and commitment and a great marriage when you met this woman. You poured cold water over her heart when she asked for a commitment by offering her a domestic business deal.
As a successful businessman, you should know you never tell the customer the product will fail down the road. It might, but you don’t hit the customer in the face with that when the product is shiny and new and they’re crazy about it. This woman may have loved you in the beginning, but your doomsday statement set the timer on its failing, and the feeling drained away bit by bit for her.
It’s interesting she didn’t dump you right then. It’s possible she was working a scam, but unlikely since she didn’t take much and gave things back. Even that doesn’t matter. The good thing is you found out you can love. This is the beginning of your heart beating. Rather than going back to the cold fish you were, get the counselling you need to become a fully functioning man with real love to give a woman who wants to give it to you. True, the sex can get a little boring in a long-term relationship, but this woman showed you it can be a lot of fun if you both invest in it.
Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6
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