If mother moves in, wife moving out

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This article was published 02/04/2016 (3517 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My Italian mother told me privately she’ll be moving into my house soon. She said that is her right, that she gave birth to me first and raised me from a baby. And now that I am doing very well and my kids have gone away to university, there is plenty of room for her. All hell broke loose later that night when I told my wife. She yelled at me: “If your mother moves in, there will be even more room because I’ll be moving out!” What can I do?

I owe my mom big time. She sacrificed everything for me, including a career in medicine that she really wanted when she got pregnant with me, and lived the traditional way with my dad to raise me and my brothers. I don’t mind my mother living with us at all. The two women don’t hate each other, but they are both dominant females and have clashed over the children’s upbringing many times. If my mom moves in, I will be in the middle of this hen fight on a daily basis. I asked my wife where she would live, and she said she she would move in with her sister, who is a divorced troublemaker she fights with all the time. That won’t last.

I don’t want my mother moving in with us either, but my father isn’t well and she will be all alone in a few years. What suggestions do you have?

— Starting to Panic, River Heights

Dear Starting to Panic: Tell you mother that if she moves in, it will break up your marriage, and you can’t do that just so she has a new place to live. Ask what her plans are with your dad in terms of his health care and possibly moving him into a care home. Ask if she needs help at home with him now, and if so, you and your brothers will help work it out.

See how that goes over, talk to your brothers and give your mother a few weeks to calm down. This kind of family feud goes in stages, and one move depends on the next. There may even be a brother who wants to take your mom in — it just can’t be you or you marriage is kaput, and you will resent your mother’s presence like nothing you ever resented before. Write back and tell us how it goes.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I want a dog in the worst way, but my wife and I are fighting over what kind. She wants one of those little white fluffballs, and I want a real dog, such as a retriever I can go hunting with, like my dad did. We live in the country, so there’s no problem. My house and land will support a big dog. We have been fighting over this for three months. Now the nice weather is here and it’s time to look for a puppy, but who gets the puppy?

— Farmer, Southern Manitoba

Dear Farmer: Why can’t get you get a fluffball for her and a hound for you? You say you have lots of land, so don’t be uptight about this. Consider getting two male pups, as mating would be complicated and pretty ridiculous between the two breeds.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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