Boyfriend’s bug-eyed, sleazebag father creeps me out

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This article was published 14/06/2019 (2646 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new boyfriend has a creepy father. I wore some short shorts over to his house on a hot day recently, and when my boyfriend was out of the room, his pops said in a sleazy, low voice, “Nice shorts there, honey. Look real good on you,” and he looked me up and down. I couldn’t wait to get out of there!

Up till now, he’s just given me “looks” but now he’s actually making sleazy comments. I really like this new boyfriend and I don’t want to ruin his feelings for his father, but I can’t stand this. Please help!

— Victim of Sleazy Dad, Winnipeg

Dear Victim: Creepy people depend on victims not telling on them to continue their bad behaviour. So, tell your boyfriend exactly what his father did, in terms of staring at your body, and the exact comment about you and your shorts.

If your boyfriend doesn’t voluntarily promise to reprimand his father (not just talk to him) then you had best say goodbye. If he can’t talk to his father, he should tell his mother and enlist her help. That’ll work.

Unfortunately, he may already know this about his father, but may not have wanted to forewarn you and scare you away. Maybe he was just hoping and praying it wouldn’t happen again. Then again, your boyfriend may not know anything about this, and it may be real news, and very upsetting.

Either way, he needs to know what his father is doing, and the sooner the better.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: As a guy who’s been married a long time — reluctantly, I must say — to a woman who is not sexual, I don’t know what to do at this point. The kids have left home — all of them. My wife wants to have a 25th anniversary party and renewal of vows and the idea sickens me.

I don’t want to be married like this forever. I have asked her to go to counselling several times over the years and she says, “There is nothing wrong with us.” I beg to differ. I get “maintenance sex” once every two weeks and she gets it over with as fast as possible. I feel like a racehorse because she’s whipping me to the finish line.

I wasn’t thinking about divorce, but this 25th anniversary thing is making me look at what we have. It is not a real loving, warm and sexual marriage. It is a farce. That may be just fine for her, but it isn’t for me. I don’t think I love her anymore and would choke on the “love” word in a renewal of vows. This is just a friendship. What do you suggest?

— Served My Time, Outside Winnipeg

Dear Served My Time: Would she want to stay married to you if she knew how you really felt? It’s time to tell her bluntly how you feel. The kids are out of the house, and clearly you don’t want to continue with her.

She might panic and finally agree to counselling to try to warm things up — or to say a gentler goodbye.

But something’s got to give.

Tell her right now you don’t want her planning a renewal of vows or a 25th anniversary party, because you can’t promise you’ll want to stay in the marriage the way things are now. While that news may be shocking to her, it will stop the sick feelings you have about doing something that feels dishonest for you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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