Grow a pair, tell roomie he needs to cover his

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/07/2019 (2275 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: As I once learned from watching Seinfeld, there’s “nude” and then there’s “naked.” This summer, one of my three housemates has taken to walking around naked, with a beer in his hand. He crosses his ankles to watch TV in the living room. I hate it. I’m not gay, but I just can’t stand it. It’d be OK if my girlfriend and I were doing it together alone, but not this guy’s scene! What should I do? This is not artistically nude. It’s bare-ass naked.

— Uncomfortable As Hell, St. Vital

Dear Uncomfortable: You don’t have to say much. Just go into his room and grab his shorts and T-shirt and take them to the living room and throw them at him. Just say, “Put these on now!” If he doesn’t, then the verbal argument begins, and it needs to happen ASAP for you.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I sense this could mean trouble. I just ran into a man whom I had gone out with for a year, before he found the woman he finally married. Back then, he told me she was a “vast improvement” on me.

I found my husband-to-be very shortly after that breakup — a great guy and a vast improvement on my ex! We all had kids quickly as the clock was ticking. A few years passed, then last week I had innocently taken our kids to a local swimming pool, and my ex was there with his cute children. I saw our four brats splashing water at each other in the pool. And I saw that they looked oddly alike.

I looked at him hard, because I had a hunch. I said very sweetly, “May I see a picture of your wife?” And he said, “OK, sure. Why don’t you show me a picture of your husband while we’re at it?” So we played show and tell. Dang! In many ways, we had married the same-looking people as each other with different hair colouring!

I remember the thing I didn’t like about my ex was not his tall, blond good looks, and the pointed nose like mine, but his unpredictable temper. He didn’t like my bossiness.

Our kids just loved the pool and playing with each other. This is our nearest pool by a long shot. But, still, I wonder if it’s emotionally dangerous for me. Should I find another pool for my kids? Do you think this could get really messy and weird?

— Married An Improved Copy, S. Winnipeg

Dear Married: Forget the handy aspect of this pool; it’s so handy your marriages could drown in it.

You already know it’s a weird-feeling situation for you — no need to keep trying it out. You must be aware of that danger: if you slip off to the pool to accidentally-on-purpose meet up with this handsome ex and his kids too much, the kids will blab about the situation, and one or both of your spouses is going to drop by. They may notice the physical similarities, too. There are lots of other pools in South Winnipeg. Find one fast!

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.