Time to own up to past and and apologize to ex

Advertisement

Advertise with us

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve “gotten religion” thanks to my new girlfriend, and am a new believer in confession. I have a big problem — guilt. I think I should apologize to my ex-wife for being the cheating jerk I was during our marriage. I always denied it. I tried to make her feel like she was losing her mind, accusing me all the time. Basically, I tried to gaslight her.

Read this article for free:


or

Already have an account? Log in here »

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Subscribe and receive a limited-edition Free Press branded hat or tote.

Digital Subscription

One year of digital access for only $205*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles

*First annual payment billed as $205.00 + GST for one year. This annual subscription will automatically renew at $233.00 + GST every 52 weeks (10% off the regular annual price of $259.35). Offer available to new and qualified returning subscribers only. Cancel any time.

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Add Free Press access to your Brandon Sun subscription for only an additional

$1 for the first 4 weeks*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles
Start now

*Your next Brandon Sun subscription payment will increase by $1.00 and you will be charged $17.95 plus GST for four weeks. After four weeks, your payment will increase to $24.95 plus GST every four weeks.

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 02/01/2020 (2443 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve “gotten religion” thanks to my new girlfriend, and am a new believer in confession. I have a big problem — guilt. I think I should apologize to my ex-wife for being the cheating jerk I was during our marriage. I always denied it. I tried to make her feel like she was losing her mind, accusing me all the time. Basically, I tried to gaslight her.

In the end, when she said she was divorcing me, she said, “I have no proof, I never hired a detective, but I know in my heart that you cheated on me all the time, and kept telling me I was going crazy.” 

Would it be better or not, if I finally told her the truth now we are divorced, and it’s all over? My buddies say, “Don’t dig that up all over again.” My counsellor encourages me to confess. 

I feel guilty to the bone. What do you think? How far should I go? Should I confess every woman I slept with and lied about, and make a clean breast of it?

Lying Dog, Transcona

Dear Lying Dog: She doesn’t need any more grief from you, but she does need  to hear you say she was right, and you cheated repeatedly. Do apologize for trying to make her think she was going crazy. Say how sorry you are for being so deceitful, but that’s it.

Don’t expect her to forgive you and don’t even ask for forgiveness. Just confess and get the truth out there. She may thank you for finally telling the truth, but she doesn’t even owe you that. So just give her a sincere apology, but not a list of names. Then leave the poor woman alone.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I know I want to make changes in 2020. I’m a dumpy, insecure woman of 21 and I made the mistake of showing my growing list of resolutions to my good-looking female buddy, way back in early-December. She laughed in my face then.

I said, “Why would you try to discourage me from trying to be a better person?” She just laughed at me and said, “Because I like the imperfect person you are, and I don’t want you to show me up.”

I stayed awake again last night, once again thinking about that comment. Does she just need me as her sidekick — short and dumpy, and prone to forgetting things, and always saying stupid, awkward stuff, and swearing too much? Does she need me to make herself look good? 

I don’t want to be the person who walks in her shade. In fact, I’m really getting ticked, the more I think about it! I need to tell her off, but don’t know what to say. There I go — tongue-tied as usual — probably another weakness of mine she likes.

Her Angry Sidekick, St. Vital

Dear Angry: She may or may not have been kidding. Perhaps she loves you as a pal, and was only ribbing you. But, it’s true that some insecure, good-looking women do pick people as friends who give them no competition whatsoever and make them feel better about themselves.  

Your many criticisms of yourself suggest to me you might want to invest in yourself in 2020, by going for counselling help and working out your insecurities. If this friend backs off from you because you’re making strides and she feels competition, then she’s a friend you’ll need to replace. You’ll know by her comments on your changes — either supportive or sarcastic remarks, possibly disguised with humour. Good luck with this.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

Our newsroom depends on a growing audience of readers to power our journalism. If you are not a paid reader, please consider becoming a subscriber.

Our newsroom depends on its audience of readers to power our journalism. Thank you for your support.

Report Error Submit a Tip

More Stories

Grieving families, local leaders want review of Interlake intersection after teens die in crash

Chris Kitching 8 minute read Preview

Grieving families, local leaders want review of Interlake intersection after teens die in crash

Chris Kitching 8 minute read Tuesday, Sep. 8, 2026

A two-vehicle crash that killed four teenage friends in the Interlake Sunday night prompted outpourings of grief in several communities and calls for safety improvements at the intersection, which was also the site of a death in July.

Recent high school graduates Maya Borsa and Chloe Vermette, both 18, were identified by their families as victims of the collision at Highway 8 and Provincial Road 229, just west of Winnipeg Beach.

“(Chloe) was a very bubbly, loving personality. Always giving, always caring. Her friends meant the world to her,” said her mother, Veronique Vermette, who struggled to comprehend the tragedy when she went to the scene Monday. “We sat in the rain for hours, and it blew my mind that four lives were taken.”

The teens’ parents are waiting for RCMP to provide more information about the cause of the crash. Chloe, who graduated from Windsor Park Collegiate in Winnipeg in July, was driving one of the vehicles, her mother said.

Read
Tuesday, Sep. 8, 2026

All quiet on the Hellebuyck front

Mike McIntyre 8 minute read Preview

All quiet on the Hellebuyck front

Mike McIntyre 8 minute read Tuesday, Sep. 8, 2026

Pull up a chair, folks, as we address the elephant in the room. Or, to be more precise, the decorated goaltender who is not in the room. Or on the ice. Or even in the city.

Not surprisingly, the Connor Hellebuyck situation took centre stage Tuesday as members of the Winnipeg Jets held their first media session following an informal, pre-training camp skate.

“We’re definitely going to get asked about it. That’s no chirp to anybody. I think that’s just the reality of the situation,” admitted veteran defenceman Dylan DeMelo, who took part in an hour-long practice at Hockey For All Centre that involved nearly every member of the organization.

With one very notable exception, of course.

Read
Tuesday, Sep. 8, 2026

Childfree Winnipeg group gives women without kids a place to gather

AV Kitching 5 minute read Preview

Childfree Winnipeg group gives women without kids a place to gather

AV Kitching 5 minute read Yesterday at 4:48 PM CDT

Katelyn Sawatzky founded Childfree Winnipeg Women in 2021 to bring together women who don’t have kids — be it by choice or circumstance — and do not plan on raising children.

The group is designed to help them share experiences and build meaningful friendships.

The community welcomes cisgender, straight, transgender, bisexual and lesbian women. Parents, including empty nesters and men, are turned away.

“Our group is a safe space where women can hang out with other women without being asked when you’re going to have kids or why you don’t have kids … where you don’t feel like you have to validate or defend your choices in any way, because everyone gets it,” Sawatzky says.

Read
Yesterday at 4:48 PM CDT

The plane truth about a dangerous president

Editorial 4 minute read Preview

The plane truth about a dangerous president

Editorial 4 minute read 2:01 AM CDT

U.S. President Donald Trump has crossed firmly into cutting-off-your-nose-to-spite-your-face territory.

Read
2:01 AM CDT

Weekender festivities to take over downtown

Sheldon Birnie 3 minute read Preview

Weekender festivities to take over downtown

Sheldon Birnie 3 minute read Yesterday at 6:00 AM CDT

Come one, come all, to Graham Avenue this weekend.

Organizers of the Weekender hope to welcome thousands of Winnipeggers to the streets and parking lots in and around the Graham Avenue pedestrian mall in what they are billing as “Downtown’s Biggest Street Party.”

Starting Friday evening and running through Sunday, the free festival boasts a plethora of ways by which visitors can enjoy themselves. From food trucks to markets, games to live music, classic cars and free bike repairs, the festival aims to provide a little something for everyone.

“The Weekender is truly about bringing people together, to have fun, to experience all that downtown has to offer,” says Olivia Billson, director of communications and public relations for Downtown Winnipeg BIZ, which is putting on the festival in conjunction with Smith Events and Arch Events.

Read
Yesterday at 6:00 AM CDT

Premier tells grieving parents site of fatal collision under review

Chris Kitching 4 minute read Preview

Premier tells grieving parents site of fatal collision under review

Chris Kitching 4 minute read Yesterday at 5:48 PM CDT

Premier Wab Kinew promised to pursue safety improvements at an Interlake intersection when he spoke to parents of some of the four teens who died in a crash at the site on the Labour Day weekend.

The collision at Highway 8 and Provincial Road 229, just west of Winnipeg Beach, prompted a review by Manitoba Transportation and Infrastructure, which is standard after a fatal crash, while some of the victims’ families and community leaders publicly called for changes.

“When you see the loss of these beautiful young lives, any parent, any Manitoban feels a sense of loss. On behalf of the whole province, I send my condolences to these families,” Kinew said in Winnipeg Wednesday.

“I did so directly earlier today, and I heard some of the parents’ suggestions for how we could make this safer for everybody. I committed to them that we’re going to take those actions — both stuff we can do relatively quickly and some longer-term fixes, as well.”

Read
Yesterday at 5:48 PM CDT