Brunette’s grey area off limits to hubby

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 03/01/2020 (2428 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband wants me to let my hair go grey/white like his and I don’t want to. He says, “Then we’ll match.” I say, “Why do you want to match now, when you were always red-haired and I was always dark?”

Last night, he pushed harder and said I was being “vain” by dyeing my hair. In a couple of weeks I’m going back to my hairdresser, and I don’t know what to do. Please advise ASAP.

— Brunette Forever! Transcona

Dear Brunette: It’s your hair. Do what you want to do — not what your husband is trying to dictate. Don’t bow to his pressure tactics. You could tell him this is his big chance, if he wants to look like your twin. Now his hair is grey/white, he can have it dyed a dark colour like yours with no red to interfere.

The point is he doesn’t want you to look younger than he does. White or grey hair can look very classy and chic, but people will often classify you as older, at least when they see you from the back.

There are some areas where people who are very close to you are allowed to comment on and influence, like being scarily overweight, smoking or drinking, and driving under the influence. But how you choose to wear your hair, or the style or colour of your clothing, should be your own personal choices.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend of three years — actually a handsome man in his 50s — yelled at me for the first time, when I was giving him grief for something I found out later he definitely had not done. He yelled “Shut up!” at me five times until I was silent. I can still hear it in my mind and it echoes there. Maybe my unjust accusation lingers there for him, too. I apologized right away for that, but he has not said sorry for the roaring!

I have not told him how much it bothers me, like it was verbal violence. I don’t come from a family who yells at each other, though we have said some mean things over emails.

My big worry: is this a prelude to violence? Should I break up with him now before it gets too late, and thing have progressed to the next stage — physical violence? Please help.

— Suffering from the Sound Memory, St. Vital

Dear Suffering: You might want to talk to him before you chuck him aside. He didn’t yell swear words at you, and you were accusing him of something he didn’t do and wouldn’t stop the accusing. Was he supposed to meekly take the accusation and let you go on hurting him? I agree the yelling of “shut up” was a bad idea, but were you also excited and raising your voice to him at that time? Try to remember. Please write back and give me the whole story, with all the vocal details. That’ll help me to better help you.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m having bad dreams. Last week, I dreamed my ex-boyfriend came back to town and reclaimed the daughter I had with him and stole her away!

He has never threatened that and doesn’t seem to care about her (and doesn’t pay me support money). I don’t know why I dreamed that, but I’ve been scared ever since. I don’t want her to go anywhere without me hanging onto her now.

I have a new husband and I told him, and he’s very protective. I’m pregnant with his child now. Do I have a reason to be scared of my daughter being taken, or is this just part of being pregnant?

— Nightmare City, Winnipeg

Dear Nightmare City: With this new life growing inside you, and hormones rushing all over, you’re feeling extra protective. At night time, you likely feel extra vulnerable because you aren’t awake to stand guard over your little family, which is now growing again.

Perhaps you’re subconsciously worrying that with two babies, your ex will think he deserves one of the two — the one that is partly his genes. Maybe you are worried about that.

Talk to your doctor about this and consider seeing a psychologist or counsellor about it, too. Pregnancy is hard enough, without unfounded terrors and worries.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Can’t Bear It wrote she was unable to stand how bad her husband smells. You did give some wonderful advice about getting in contact with their shared doctor and seeking medical advice.

What you failed to suggest was for him to also have a thorough dental check, should the source be oral. This care does require more than merely regularly “brushing and gargling” to maintain a fresh breath and dental health.

— Been There, Manitoba

Dear Been There: Thank you for this hint. Can’t Bear It said they’d gone all the usual routes to track and identify the emanating odour, but no luck.

Please write back and tell me what the dentist contributed to the solution to your own problem, as this might be helpful to Can’t Bear it and others with a mysterious and persistent odour emanating from somewhere in their body.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.