Group sounds fishy, but don’t cut line just yet

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/08/2020 (1882 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband and his best friends have a fishing and hunting cabin out in the woods by their favourite lake. I overheard some telephone talk when my husband didn’t know I’d just come back to the house with groceries. He was heading up to the lake with the guys that weekend.

“Whose turn is it to be missing this time?” he asked his buddy, and started laughing. Apparently, not all of the guys show up there when they have told their wives that’s where they’re going fishing for the weekend!

When I came around the corner and glared at him, he turned beet red and hung up fast. I should have known. I knew this group of guys back in college. They are like blood brothers, so I don’t doubt they’d cover up for each other. I thought my guy was a good honest one and I had no idea women were involved.

My husband could see what I was thinking. I said, “Sit down. We’re going to have a talk.” He started defending himself right away, “Don’t get the wrong idea. Maybe one of the other guys needs to talk with his wife, but it’s definitely not a problem for you and me.”

I said very coldly I would not stay married to a guy who was part of a cheating group. I have my own career and money, and we aren’t having children, so I could walk out any time, and I might just do that.

He started to whine, “But, honey, I don’t want to leave my club. Those guys are my closest friends!” I just looked at him and said, “That tells me a lot right there.”

I assured him that if I left him because of the cheating club he belonged to, I would certainly look for a different man. That’d be one who didn’t want to belong to an overgrown boys’ club where the guys covered up for each other.

He said, “I’ve never cheated on you!” and it sounded like an honest response. Now what? Am I married to the one innocent guy? I doubt It! He didn’t go to the lake that weekend.

— Extremely Upset, River Heights

Dear Upset: “Whose turn is it?” certainly does sounds fishy. But it is not necessarily your husband who takes turns being missing. It’s not likely everyone is cheating, particularly the happily married ones.

Talk to your husband in more detail about this “club.” It could be one or two of the guys are having affairs and use the club for an excuse. Or, it could be worse.

You have more or less ordered your hubby to quit the group, or watch you walk out the door. If he’s an innocent one, you would be losing a love partner out of unfounded suspicion. Yet, if he stays in the group, you will be miserable every time he goes on a weekend with them group.

Maybe my readers have some advice for you! I invite them to write in.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The man who’s seeing Halfway Loved should realize premature ejaculation is not her problem. (Her boyfriend blames it on her being “too beautiful”). It’s his problem!

I don’t know if I would recommend him seeing a doctor for his problem — there can be too many drugs offered up for a problem, when there are simple solutions out there on the internet and elsewhere, so he can last as long as she wants, and longer. That’s if he chooses to address this.

— Don’t Blame the Woman! Winnipeg

Dear Don’t Blame: At sex shops like the Love Shop, there are several topical potions and lotions created to desensitize the man, slowing down his reaction time. If the man continues to blame his current lady for being “too beautiful,” when there is help available, he’s definitely wasting her precious time.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend is very sweet, warm and lovely, though she is not the brightest bulb. But, I must say, she’s not the least bit lazy. She works hard at a low-level job which is very sociable, and she’s popular with the staff. She makes a little over minimum wage. Lately, I’ve been encouraging her to get some training and get a better job. I work in a profession, and think she could do much better.

She’s been hinting at getting married to me. Yesterday, she told me her dream is to be an at-home mom with three or four children, something she never experienced as an only child of a single mom — a woman who worked a lot.

I want a family of one or two kids, but I always thought my wife would work and help with the big expenses of a family. Suddenly I’m getting headaches that don’t go away. Help!

— Just Got The News, Osborne Village

Dear Alone: Basically, you just found out your wife-to-be (if things go her way) wants you to pay for everything, from the first baby on. No wonder you feel pressure, which is already manifesting itself as headaches.

And think of her welfare, too! Would you be the best husband for this woman? You disapprove of her not having ambition beyond being a mommy in a two-parent family, and you have been pushing her career-wise already. She doesn’t give a fig about a career.

My guess is you would soon be bored and restless with her, as you already don’t find her your intellectual equal. You might feel you were married to someone who was a great mom and housekeeper, but not your ideal wife. It’s time to reconsider this whole relationship so both of you have a chance at finding what you really want elsewhere.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.