Lunch-bill spat undermines long friendship 

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/08/2020 (2186 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is so embarrassing! I met a single male friend at a restaurant for lunch, and forgot to bring my wallet. I had zero money and no cards, so he had to pay for me. He went pale.

I could tell my longtime friend was annoyed and didn’t believe I could be so stupid as to go out for dinner and not bring a single cent. He paid for us both on his debit card.

Today I dropped off enough money to cover the two of us and the tip. He refused to let me pay his half. He also didn’t let me in the door, so obviously he still thought I was just a cheapskate, even though I paid him back.

Then I got mad. I stuck my foot in the door and tried to explain and he said, “Yeah, yeah, forget it already!” How did I lose this friendship over a simple mistake? It’s obvious he wants nothing more to do with me.

— Forgot My Wallet and Lost a Friend, Osborne Village

Dear Lost a Friend: There’s got to be more to it than this. Did he think you automatically expected him to pay because he’s a man and you’re a woman? Is he a well-heeled guy and always expects by others to say, “I’ll pick up the bill?” If he won’t tell you, and you know some of his friends, ask one of them if he has an issue with money.

Another idea: maybe he was nearly broke and not sure if his debit payment would go through paying for you, too.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a man in Calgary at a business convention just before the COVID mess, and there was instant intellectual connection and real sexual fire.

We had three days together at this conference and then another weekend when he insisted on flying here and we were, I swear, falling in love. We were both single, or so I thought, and all systems were go.

Then COVID-19 hit hard, and there was the shutdown. We have been struggling on the phone through the last few months and something has felt like it was going rather wrong since Aug. 1 when we had a tiff.

Finally, I called him last night at 4 a.m. when I couldn’t sleep and was pacing the floor. I heard a groggy hello and I started venting and when I finally stopped for breath, a man said to me very quietly: “I believe I know the person you think you are talking to. I sleep with him every night.”

I said, “Who the heck are you?” and he said he was my guy’s partner. That broke me. I said woodenly, “He didn’t tell me anything and we talk almost every day since we’ve been together. I’m so sorry.“

He said, “Not half as sorry as he’s going to be, when I go back in that bedroom and kick his teeth out.”

Alberta guy phoned later that night, by himself and in a huff, and I told him to go straight to hell. So now I’m sick to my stomach, and I feel used — and I’m kicking myself because I was too stupid to know he was bisexual!

— A Fool and a Sucker, Winnipeg

Dear Fool: Granted, you got fooled, but you’re not as big a fool as you think you are. Lots of bisexual men are often very careful not to give their situation away.

Look, the Calgary man felt enough for you to phone almost every day, so he did care a lot. He just wasn’t 100 per cent into you as a love partner and had someone back home who was available.

“Handy” is good for romance in a pandemic. Though this hurts badly, it will be easier letting go, knowing what’s what sexually. It’s a good thing you phoned late at night and found out from your new ex’s boyfriend.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 19, and got pregnant by the wrong guy. It should have been my boyfriend. I got stupid drunk at a party and went to bed afterward with a cute, sweet guy. It is his baby. I’d had a big fight with my boyfriend as we hadn’t had sex in three whole months. So you can’t really blame me for getting a tune-up, but I know it was dumb not to use a condom. My bad!

So now there’s a baby coming and I’m a Catholic and nothing will make me give it up. What should I tell my boyfriend, who I might still love?

— In a Mess, West End

Dear Mess: Your boyfriend will be able to count up the months and know this baby is not his, so you might as well talk to him now about the child. Also tell him you don’t expect him to take on fathering the baby. He may dump you instantly, or he may not.

As for the one-night-stand sperm donor, you should tell him, too, and not expect a relationship to come out of it, except that he’ll need to provide part of the financial support and possibly be a visiting father to the baby he will share with you.

You’re going to need to support yourself and this child. Do you have work? Can your parents help? You have unexpectedly entered the serious adult realm and there’s much to think about as a mother-to-be.

Counselling is available with advice on resources at many places, two being the Women’s Health Clinic (womenshealthclinic.org) and Klinic Community Health (klinic.mb.ca).

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.