Ex wants to get even, not get back together with you

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/02/2021 (2004 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m writing out of anguish and sadness. I’m a divorced man in my mid-50s. English is not my first language, but I learned it well enough. I’m told by women I’m a catch. I prefer to be humble. I’ve dated a few women in the past years.

One of them caught my heart. She was like me in many ways and completely opposite in other ones, but younger.

She had little time to spare and made me feel lonely many times. After two years and a few breakups, I betrayed her — and paid the price of losing her and her trust.

After three months, she asked me to stop reaching out to her. I did. A couple of months later, she reached out to me, just when I was trying to get back into dating. I was cautious at first, but I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

She said she felt lonely and remembered our connection and wanted to be friends.

She has me in her hand now, but she doesn’t contact me. I do, and she eventually texts. She said she’s chatting with other men as well.

She wants to go for a walk at some point, and talk, but keeps rejecting my offers to go. I desperately need that walk and talk. I’m at a loss. I don’t know what to do. I do feel in love with her, and craving this relationship more and more every day. What to do?

— Dumb and Dumber, Winnipeg

Dear D & D: You were just at the point of wanting to date others again, when she came back wanting friendship, but then refused all your offers for walking and personal contact. She’s getting even.

She wants a little part of you — just an impersonal texting friendship. She doesn’t want to forgive and get back together, just to have you on the string, because you cheated on her.

She knows you care and want more, and she doesn’t feel it now. It’s high time for you to say: “Goodbye and have a good life. I need to find someone who loves me.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I fell deeply in love with a large man. We were ecstatically happy for the first year. But now he’s so overweight I see him panting coming up my steps, and I’m scared I’m going to lose him to a heart attack!

I love him the way he is and he’s beautiful to me, but when I see him on my stairs, I feel sick. So, I told him, and he was hurt and angry, and said to me: “You’re like every other woman. I thought you were different. How long have you been looking at me as your project?” Then he shook his head, walked away, and said as he closed the door: “And I’ve been putting up with a skinny woman, because I loved you!”

That just floored me. I can’t deny it. I’m flat-chested and skinny. I eat lots, but am an active runner with a high metabolism, but I feel just fine about my athletic build. After making him feel so good about himself the way he is these last eight months, I realize I’m actually a disappointment to him.

I haven’t heard from him since — which is not like us. We talked every day and got together all the time. Have I lost him? I thought maybe he’d think about it, realize losing the weight for better health only made sense — and call me!

— Waiting Impatiently, Downtown

Dear Waiting Impatiently: How would you like it he’d told you to go on a weight-gain diet because he prefers women with a generous bosom and booty? Besides feeling hurt and embarrassed, wouldn’t you feel kind of helpless? How are you going to accomplish the plump and voluptuous goal with a high metabolism and an active life? You don’t want to! It’s not you.

Look, he felt the full weight of your criticism on him and it isn’t the first time a woman has captured his heart, and then said, “Now, lose weight.” Some words you can’t just cram back in your mouth. If you can’t live with a man who might die young because of weight, let him find someone who has a more relaxed attitude. Then they can both relax.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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