Take practical approach to pony promise

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This article was published 17/06/2021 (1879 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m the father of a young girl who desperately wants a horse. I wrote you when it wasn’t an “in your face” problem. Her mom had promised her we’d get her a horse “when she was old enough,” hoping she’d just grow out of it.

Instead, she grew half a foot over the last school year. Now she’s long-legged and strong enough for a horse — and the pressure is on. We promised… and we were lying. The truth is we can’t afford it, let alone the boarding, training and extra costs like riding lessons. I want to tell my daughter the truth — it isn’t going to happen.

It will break her heart for a while, but she will move on. Or will she? I wonder if there could be any long-lasting damage in this. My cowardly wife still thinks we should just leave it alone and keep hoping she grows out of it. Ha! That ship has sailed. Our half-grown daughter already has a name for this horse, and talks about it daily. It’s spring, and she’s yearning for a horse with every fibre of her young body. Please help!

—Two Big Liars, River Heights

Dear Liars: You do risk losing the basic trust of your daughter if there’s actually no horse in her future after this big promise — and you were lying from the start. Instead of doing nothing and breaking her heart, “horse leasing” might be an answer. For example, some equine centres offer different educational programs and offer horse leasing.

While leasing a horse, you usually pay for the number of times a month you figure your daughter will need to come to work with and ride “her” horse. Riding lessons will be extra at most stables, but they may also be worked into the leasing price.

Of course, other people also will be riding and working with the same horse as your daughter at different times. Still, your daughter can build a close bond with that one special horse.

Also, consider this: Before committing to anything like leasing, your daughter needs to get up on a real horse for a few rides and see how she actually feels in the saddle. After a few lessons, she might surprise herself and realize she doesn’t like it all that much. Tell her you care about what’s comfortable for her, and she needn’t feel pressure to do it or not do it, in the end.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was dating a guy I thought would be my husband, all the way through university. When he graduated with his prestigious degree, he dumped me.

I was absolutely shocked and felt completely drained — like my life was over before it even started. I thought we were going to get married and have a family.

It took a long time to get over it, but I wanted to write in and say things do get better. In fact, they get way better! I met a guy I fell in love with two years after getting dumped.

We moved in together, got married, had kids and I love my life. My family is my world now, and I couldn’t imagine it any other way. Hang in there, people. It gets better!

— Dumped and Loving It, St. Vital

Dear Loving It: Well, that was a refreshing letter! It’s good to hear about the successes that have followed a really hard breakup.

People learn a lot about themselves when they get dumped — or even when they do the dumping. They are often kinder and more sympathetic to friends who undergo the same thing. Also, they know better what they want — and don’t want — in the next relationship.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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