Husband’s birthday-card habit baffling

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This article was published 16/06/2021 (1934 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just found out, since working at home with my husband of nine years, that this former playboy has a secret.

It turns out he keeps a stash of birthday cards in the bottom drawer of his desk under some papers and he sends them out to old girlfriends on their birthdays. I faced him down with the cards, waving them in the air, while calling out some of their names!

It turns out he isn’t even sorry, and he’s done it for years! “They meant something to me once; why would they mean nothing to me now and not even deserve a birthday card?” he shouted back at me — the injured party.

Miss L., the envelopes are all pre-addressed, with stamps. Oh yes, he’s very organized about his little harem. It turns out he has eight women who get cards from him on birthdays. I wonder how their husbands would feel if they knew. Should I write them, since I have all their addresses, and let these guys know what’s going on?

Or, what if I started sending my old boyfriends birthday cards? They’d probably think I was lonely in my marriage and giving them the come on. What should I do?

— Betrayed and Furious, West Kildonan

Dear Betrayed: Sending your old boyfriends birthday cards wouldn’t solve anything. In fact, it might cause a whole new problem as they have no experience with this, and they might assume you were lonely and looking to re-connect.

As for getting hold of the husbands of annual card receivers, don’t waste your time or your pride. Some of their wives will have shown them the cards, and probably have a laugh together, saying thing like, “When will this fool give up?”

That’s not to say your husband hasn’t hit on some old ex on a lonely birthday and re-connected with her for a drink — or more. You don’t know what all he’s been up to.

So, play it straight. Tell him you feel disrespected and if he wants the freedom to connect with his old girlfriends, he can have it — but he doesn’t get to keep you, too.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is for “Excited to Be in the Dog House,” the husband who wants his partner to agree to having a dog. (They have a “child-free” lifestyle.)

Waiting for a chance to dog-sit could take time. There are a lot of no-kill shelters around which are always under pressure to accept additional animals for which they have no room, unless they get folks to foster pets that have been in the shelter awhile, and whose behaviour and temperament are known and are considered safe.

If fostering works out, the dog might be available for adoption. Asking ahead of time about that is recommended, as some fosters are not available. Others at the shelter might be. Best of luck to the pooch-lover!

— G.R., Manitoba

Dear G.R.: Good suggestion! When these child-free folks agreed they didn’t want human babies, they mustn’t have discussed pets seriously. So now this man is lobbying for a dog. Hopefully, his lady will agree to a trial run with a foster-care situation.

Many child-free folks are career people who may not want children but are passionate about having fur babies, and dote on them.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I read the letter about the woman living with an alcoholic husband. You didn’t suggest Al Anon for her or Alateen for children should they have kids. I know those are wonderful programs that would support her family.

— A Friend, Osborne Area

Dear Friend: I checked and COVID has affected in-person meetings or drop-ins at Al-Anon/Alateen Central Services Manitoba (for people who are worried about somebody’s drinking). In-person meetings have been suspended during the pandemic, but anyone interested in virtual meetings can find more information at mb.al-anon.alateen.org.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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