Blunt backstabbing barbs with body positivity

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This article was published 12/08/2022 (1460 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: One of my friends always wears extremely low-cut tops and push-up bras. She’s very large in the bust. Our gang are all in our late 40s and early 50s, and she looks like she’s trying too hard. You should see what she wears when we have pool parties!

The other women talk about it behind her back. I’m torn! Do I tell her and hurt her feelings, or just let her be?

— She’s Busting Out, Tuxedo

Dear Busting: Go further than “letting her be” with friends talking behind her back. Support your busty friend out loud. She likes to exhibit her curvaceousness and thinks she looks good, or she wouldn’t wear low-cut styles. Don’t let the other ladies dictate to her with their disapproval. You could stop them.

Take a deep breath and say: “I think we should support each other in what we want to wear, and how we want to look. Let’s start celebrating each other, just the way we are.” Some of your girlfriends might not like this mini-lecture, but others will thank you for it, as it frees them up to express who they are.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I recently found out my new husband (my first, and only) has been “pre-eating” before he comes home for dinner on my nights to cook. I cleaned out his car as a surprise and found his burger bags and receipts. Yikes!

I’m a horrible cook, and he knew that my “cookbook” when we were dating was the phone book. Recently, he had the colossal nerve to tell me we need to cut back, because it’s too expensive to eat out all the time. What a joke!

We’re taking turns cooking and I’m trying my best, but I’m hopeless. On his turns to cook — three times a week — we eat his fancy barbecue dishes made with prime cuts he brings home. It isn’t cheap.

Should I tell him I know what he’s been doing, or wait until he confesses?

— Eating at me, St. Norbert

Dear Eating: It’s a mistake to start a marriage with role-playing and secrets. Expose your sweetheart’s trickery now, with a sense of humour. Laughingly say to him, “You’re caught, my love. You’ve been cheating on me — with loaded hamburgers!”

Then produce the wrappers and receipts, and get it all out: “You’ve been pre-eating on your way home because of my pathetic attempts at cooking. Plus, you’re buying expensive meats on your barbecue nights.”

Then propose a new plan: Your husband can buy the loaded burgers he loves and bring them home, and you can make healthy salads as a side.

You two don’t have to “play house” the old-fashioned way. Be yourselves and enjoy the love and freedom you have now, before having a family (if that’s what you want). Make it an extended honeymoon for as long as you can — relax and enjoy!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m writing in regard to “So Disappointed,” who had lost another close female friend who has grown tired of her endless grieving over a deceased husband. (I asked her to consider how long she wanted to stay mourning in the deepest stage, where no friends can get in.— Miss L.)

I just wanted to make you aware of Palliative Manitoba and the services they offer (palliativemanitoba.ca). In addition, Dr. Alan Wolfelt at the Center for Loss and Life Transition (centerforloss.com) offers multiple resources on grief. Here is one example for her to explore — griefwords.com.

— One Who Cares, Manitoba

Dear One Who Cares: Thanks for taking the time to pass this along. In addition to losing her husband, “So Disappointed” is losing all her friends. She desperately needs to heal to a level where her friends can interact with her again.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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