Stepping into real life could flip script with husband

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 19/08/2022 (1454 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I absolutely love watching the Real Housewives TV series. This is my only guilty pleasure! I tell my husband what is happening on the show, what fashions they wear and what procedures they’ve had done.

Well, it seems he’s had enough.

I was telling him that one of the housewives is a horrible troublemaker. He looked at me strangely and said, “Time to start living in the real world. Your whole life is about them. Either you stop watching that TV and get a real life, or I’m gone.”

I told him, “Maybe if you gave me some attention, I wouldn’t have to live in a reality series!” to which he responded, “Other women seem to think I’m worth talking to.”

I had no idea things were so wrong in our marriage. Now, the house is eerily quiet. I believe he’s at fault, and he believes I am. What should I do?

— Real Housewife of Winnipeg

Dear Real Housewife: Your husband has made a serious point. You’re at home watching other people’s lives. He has a job and is “out there” meeting real people who find him interesting. How much have you changed, from when he married you? Listen to his complaint about this before it’s too late.

It’s time to restart your own life. The good news? Opportunities for social connection are expanding as COVID recedes, and connecting with some real friends again, or getting involved with volunteer work or a recreational pursuit could give you some real-life content to focus on and to talk about with your husband.

Too much is at stake! Remember, TV is kind of a toy, and it doesn’t give a fig about you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I stopped cheating on my wife a long time ago, when she smartened up and started treating me like a boyfriend instead of her rich, old husband. We’ve had a much better sex life the last few years, or so I thought. I didn’t think for one minute she’d cheat on me! I thought she’d learned her lesson about how to treat me right, and everything was settled.

I came home early from a business trip around midnight, and two nights early, just to see her beautiful face.

She wasn’t home. I called her on her cell, and she pretended she was.

I said, “That’s funny. I’m home and I don’t see you here.”

She stammered around, and I said, “Trust me. You better stay where you are tonight!” She went to her sister’s and called me all night and in the morning. I was already at our cottage, where I’m staying for now. I finally answered and was ice cold to her.

I still love her, but I don’t trust her anymore! She says she loves me and says I owe her, from when I was cheating on her years ago. Do I really?

— Ice Cold, Manitoba

Dear Ice Cold: Love relationships are too emotional to be based on mathematics. Where cheating is concerned, they’re about different personalities, emotions and beliefs. Some people are horrified and break up immediately. Others can forgive and forget. Then there’s yet another type that can pretend to, but then wait to get even — sometimes years later. Your wife may be one of those people or she may have been cheating here and there since your infidelity came to light. Maybe she resented having to act like her old husband was a new boyfriend.

It seems unlikely this new incident will break you two up, for three reasons: Neither of you was horrified enough by the first cheating discovery years ago to break it off; you went up to the lake to lick your wounds, instead of going to see your lawyer to protect your assets; and finally, you got away with cheating the first time — and you may have done a little more of it since.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: For the past few months, I’ve been helping an unemployed ex-girlfriend with her groceries and household bills. She lost her job and needed help until she could get back on her feet. At least, that’s what she was saying, as she cried to me one night.

Well, I found out she’s been going out to local bars at night, and also ordering takeout. I feel taken advantage of, and told her as much. She had the nerve to tell me I was “a controlling man and only helping her to make myself feel better.” What the heck!

I was so mad I sent her a list of all the bills and groceries I paid for, and asked her to reimburse me.

Now, I feel guilty about the way I reacted. I wonder if I should take back my demand? I know she can’t possibly pay me back.

— Still Mad, but Feeling Guilty, East Kildonan

Dear Still Mad: She rebelled like a teenager who rebels against her parent. Tell her you’re not going to go after the money you gave her, but you’re not offering further aid. She obviously didn’t need all that money, and she resented feeling like your charity case.

It would have been a better idea to help her find the social services she needed, and leave it at that. So, send her a short list of those numbers if it will help you feel better. Then, put this project behind you, and start looking for a new girlfriend to love, who has her life together.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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