Take pride in your non-traditional family roles

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/09/2022 (1437 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I deeply resent being called the “house husband.” A couple women I know from my kids’ school call me that that behind my back. It’s 2022, and I’d never call a woman who stayed home with the kids the “housewife.”

I was brought up in a home with a comfortable income, as my two parents were professionals. Our nanny was great, so we weren’t hurting for care and fun. Now, my wife and I are in our late 20s with two pre-schoolers, and I chose to stay home with them to let her continue doing the work she’s passionate about. What can I do to stop this snide moniker?

— Just My Kids’ Dad, River Heights

Dear Dad: Complain to a few people at school about the “house husband” label. It will get around like lightning. Say you’re just a “loving dad,” just as their mom is a “loving mom,” and that’s all there is to it! It’s not about which kinds of work you’re doing; you’re just working together.

To shore up your confidence in modern divisions of labour, check out the Cog Hill Farm podcast. Mom Brooke drives the tractor, the trucks and the powerful Bush Hog mower. Dad Jason is building up a big flower farm from scratch, plus feeding their furred and feathered gang of pets. Brooke is also home-schooling their 12-year-old daughter, MaryCarl, who’s named after two grandparents. This young girl handles the exotic birds she breeds herself, and is engaging her new homing pigeons in travels out and back.

There’s respect all round for each other’s capabilities in this family. No responsibilities have to do with gender or age — just who’s best at what. That’s the whole point, isn’t it?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: He’s baa-aack! Now what? My old boyfriend from Grade 12 came back to Winnipeg, and called me up last night to ask if he could come over. I never expected this: He brought his electric guitar and speakers to play a couple songs he said he wrote for me after we broke up. I teared up. I guess he was much more hurt than I was.

He surprised me, as he’s now a pretty good singer. He told me he was in some bands in Vancouver in the last few years. Now he’s back for a job in his new career field. He says he doesn’t know anybody well anymore here, so, on a chance, he called my sister. She just gave him my phone number, no problem! She always liked him best of all my boyfriends.

He’s couch-surfing with relatives until he has his own place, and was angling for an invitation to stay in my empty, unfinished basement. I said no in a knee-jerk response. Now here’s the problem: He wondered if he could at least leave his musical equipment here, instead of leaving it out in his van where it could get stolen. What do you think?

— Sounds Kind of Fishy to Me, St. Vital

Dear Fishy: When you get a call out of the blue from an ex you haven’t seen in ages, and they’re asking for a big favour like this, just roll your eyes and say, “Not happening.” They don’t need any more explanation because they surely expected that rebuff — and know they deserve it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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