Don’t waste any time and energy on selfish lovers

Advertisement

Advertise with us

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m 19, but mature for my age. I started dating at 15 and had my first love relationship at 17. I loved sex with my first guy, and we tried out everything we could. Sadly, we broke up. But then, we were both free again to date and experiment.

Read this article for free:


or

Already have an account? Log in here »

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Subscribe and receive a limited-edition Free Press branded hat or tote.

Digital Subscription

One year of digital access for only $205*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles

*First annual payment billed as $205.00 + GST for one year. This annual subscription will automatically renew at $233.00 + GST every 52 weeks (10% off the regular annual price of $259.35). Offer available to new and qualified returning subscribers only. Cancel any time.

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Add Free Press access to your Brandon Sun subscription for only an additional

$1 for the first 4 weeks*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles
Start now

*Your next Brandon Sun subscription payment will increase by $1.00 and you will be charged $17.95 plus GST for four weeks. After four weeks, your payment will increase to $24.95 plus GST every four weeks.

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/08/2023 (1084 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m 19, but mature for my age. I started dating at 15 and had my first love relationship at 17. I loved sex with my first guy, and we tried out everything we could. Sadly, we broke up. But then, we were both free again to date and experiment.

My older sister taught me that smart girls don’t openly share sexual details of their relationships, and they don’t bring out all their “moves” at first. Ironically, my new boyfriend, who doesn’t know me very well yet, has accused me of not being sexually adventurous!

He proceeded to tell me what all I should be doing to make him sexually happy, and he revealed himself to be a totally a selfish lover. He’d given no thought to ways to turn me on, so I’d want to have great sex with him. He didn’t even think to ask if his initial performances have been good for me. No, they sure haven’t!

His rude sex advice for me started with, “The things you should be doing for me are blah-blah-blah.” What a desire-killer! He also said, “My old girlfriend used to do such-and-such.” His “advice” turned me off completely. He keeps calling to ask what went wrong. Should I even tell him?

— So Tempted, St. Vital

Dear Tempted: As an experienced young woman, why would you waste your time teaching him anything? The only way this kind of conversation on sexual technique could be worth anybody’s time, is if you really like each other, and want to make the relationship work — but you don’t! You were only attracted to his looks and are not smitten. Forget him, and get out of his way — so he can find a new trainee!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a single guy in my 40s, and tired of being the guy everybody treats like a big teddy bear. I’m on a great diet and losing weight steadily and it turns out there was a decent-looking guy underneath this weight, and it’s me. What a surprise! My fat red face is gone, and I’ve got a nice haircut for my curly mane. I look pretty good!

But now, my body is also coming alive. The problem is, I’ve always been crazy about my best friend’s girlfriend, and it’s gotten worse. She’s a hairstylist — the one who cut my hair. I don’t think she had ever thought of me as anything but a friend, but now, she’s been taking me out to buy new clothes and I’ve become her project.

Trouble is, I dream about being with her in every way! I don’t know what to do. Should I distance myself, and possibly hurt her feelings, not to mention my own? Should I confess to her what’s been happening? Help!

— Major Crush on Forbidden Woman, Windsor Park

Dear Major Crush: Rather than cut her off, tell your buddy’s woman you know she’s taken, so you’re actively looking for someone similar. Ask her if she has a relative or friend a bit like her, because you “like the brand!” It’s a goofy joke, but she’ll get the message, and appreciate the way you say you’re not going to hit on her, even though you find her attractive.

That leaves the door part-way open, should she dump your friend one day, and want to be with you. However, be fully aware he’d feel extremely hurt and betrayed by both of you, and you’d lose his friendship forever.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

Our newsroom depends on a growing audience of readers to power our journalism. If you are not a paid reader, please consider becoming a subscriber.

Our newsroom depends on its audience of readers to power our journalism. Thank you for your support.

Report Error Submit a Tip

More Stories

Gilbert Plains Country Club closes for remainder of season due to flood damage

Ken Wiebe 6 minute read Preview

Gilbert Plains Country Club closes for remainder of season due to flood damage

Ken Wiebe 6 minute read Thursday, Aug. 6, 2026

Scott McCallum has made the trek to the Gilbert Plains Country Club clubhouse countless times.

But this was the first time the golf professional and general manager of the course required hip waders to get to his office.

Walking hand in hand with his wife Lindsay, McCallum didn’t need much time to see the devastation caused by the flash flooding in the Parkland region in late June.

“We’re on a river and it’s a beautiful golf course, but anytime you’re on a body of water you know that you’re taking a chance of events like this happening,” McCallum said in a telephone interview. “To this magnitude, we’ve never seen anything like it before. So, this is new to us.

Read
Thursday, Aug. 6, 2026

Kinder, gentler drug crackdown finds support, tempered expectations in Main Street area

Chris Kitching 9 minute read Preview

Kinder, gentler drug crackdown finds support, tempered expectations in Main Street area

Chris Kitching 9 minute read Yesterday at 7:11 PM CDT

Drawing a lighter from his pocket, a shirtless man perched on a concrete wall outside United Way Winnipeg’s Main Street headquarters heats a substance in a glass pipe and moves the tube toward his mouth.

Read
Yesterday at 7:11 PM CDT

Cinderella story continues, Sea Bears bounce Bandits in Conference Final

Joshua Frey-Sam 6 minute read Preview

Cinderella story continues, Sea Bears bounce Bandits in Conference Final

Joshua Frey-Sam 6 minute read Updated: 8:02 PM CDT

Just days ago, the Winnipeg Sea Bears were at rock bottom.

The losses had piled up, and the star talent had dwindled. The noise around the club grew, and the confidence from outside the building faded by the day.

Players and coaches alike conveyed the belief that persisted internally, but you wouldn’t fault some fans if those words fell on deaf ears.

Less than a week later, the undermanned and underestimated Sea Bears find themselves two wins away from the tippy top of the Canadian Elite Basketball League’s mountain after a second-straight convincing playoff victory, this time a 107-96 decision over the Vancouver Bandits in the Western Conference Final at the Langley Events Centre in British Columbia on Saturday.

Read
Updated: 8:02 PM CDT

Vibrant Norwood apartment garden a labour of love to honour green thumb’s late partner

David Sanderson 7 minute read Preview

Vibrant Norwood apartment garden a labour of love to honour green thumb’s late partner

David Sanderson 7 minute read 6:00 AM CDT

St. Vital resident Rob Duncan can’t pinpoint when he first noticed an award-winning garden blanketing the grounds of a two-storey St. Mary’s Road apartment block, near Coniston Street.

Perhaps he was on his way home from work and caught a glimpse of it out of the corner of his eye. Or maybe he was running errands in the Norwood Flats area and paused to admire the array of annuals, perennials and potted plants that extends from the block’s doorway to the front curb.

What Duncan does know for certain is that after spying the urban oasis, twice fêted in Take Pride Winnipeg’s annual Winnipeg in Bloom competition, he couldn’t unsee it.

“First of all, the pink building really stands out,” Duncan says, referring to the brightly painted California Apartments complex at 268 St. Mary’s Rd. “But then you have the pergola, the rock garden, the flowers and trees… a sea of colour on a very busy street.”

Read
6:00 AM CDT

Poilievre’s lips moving, but Canadians aren’t interested in what he’s saying

Tom Brodbeck 5 minute read Preview

Poilievre’s lips moving, but Canadians aren’t interested in what he’s saying

Tom Brodbeck 5 minute read Thursday, Aug. 6, 2026

Pierre Poilievre’s biggest political challenge right now isn’t Prime Minister Mark Carney’s popularity.

It’s the fact that he still seems to be campaigning against a political landscape that no longer exists.

More than a year after the 2025 federal election, the Conservative leader is still relying on the same message, the same themes and the same attacks that defined his party’s campaign before voters went to the polls.

And Canadians appear to be tuning it out.

Read
Thursday, Aug. 6, 2026

The view from here: Phyllis Green. Boob Tree, 1975

2 minute read Preview

The view from here: Phyllis Green. Boob Tree, 1975

2 minute read 2:01 AM CDT

Staycation: The Art of Being Here feautres more than 100 Manitoba-related artworks from the Winnipeg Art Gallery-Qaumajuq collection, spanning the past 50 years. These pieces reveal how the places around us are layered with memory, story and lived experience. Over the coming weeks, the Free Press will spotlight works from this eclectic exhibition, each one offering a new way of seeing home. Experience it in person and enjoy some staycation time at the gallery, on view until December.

Phyllis Green. Boob Tree, 1975

(Yarn, wood. Collection of the Winnipeg Art Gallery; Acquired with funds from the Estate of Mr. and Mrs. Bernard Naylor, funds administered by The Winnipeg Foundation, 2014-128. Photo: Ernest Mayer.)

The year 1975 was designated International Women’s Year by the United Nations, and in celebration, the WAG staged the show Images of Women, which explored how women had historically been depicted, an impressive selection but by mostly male artists. Amid pushback from the community, Sharron Zenith Corne and Marian Yeo organized a second exhibition, Woman as Viewer, which challenged those portrayals by only featuring works by women. It was called the first Canadian exhibition of feminist art. American artist Phyllis Green’s Boob Tree, a four-foot-tall crochet sculpture of a cluster of breasts, adorned the exhibit posters, which were so popular they were snatched by passersby! The sculpture is playful and unsettling, re-appropriating the objectification of women’s bodies.

Read
2:01 AM CDT