Pick battles better over noisy neighbours

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This article was published 05/12/2023 (984 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new next-door neighbours are party boys — a group of four university guys who rented a bungalow next door while the owners went travelling. They left in October and their house turned into party central five nights a week — lots of yelling, breaking beer bottles and beer cases sailing into my back yard. I couldn’t stand it!

I finally lost my head and went after the ringleader one night. He told me what to do with myself, and shoved me back through the connecting gate into my yard. I fell over backwards and saw red — really started losing my mind.

When he went back in the house, I jumped up and emptied three of my garbage cans into their backyard. Then I went up to bed and crashed.

My wife was crying, the guys next door kept on partying, took photos of the backyard and sent them to the homeowners. I got a call from Europe at 4 a.m. and they were furious with what they saw.

I yelled that it wasn’t my fault that their drunken tenants started a garbage war. My neighbour told me to clean it up and send him a photo as proof or he would phone the police and file charges against me.

I had no choice. I had to swallow my pride and pick it all up while the guys in that house watched and laughed. Now what can I do? My wife is hardly talking to me.

— Pushed Beyond My Limits, Windsor Park

Dear Pushed: Start by taking some responsibility. You managed to surpass the disgusting behaviour of the party pigs next door. If those college boys clean up the rental house before its owners come back, the only visible evidence of wrongdoing will be the cellphone photos they took of your illegal caper.

Things are not likely to go well when the travelling homeowners arrive back in Winnipeg, and that will be sooner rather than later, so let’s look at what you can do to fix an important part of the problem — and that is changing your wife’s feelings towards you. This garbage war may not be a marriage breaker, but it will be a turn off for a time for her.

Consider organizing a winter vacation — something positive to look forward to — with a few other people your wife likes. (You don’t want to be alone too much, just yet.) That positive project could shine a much better light on you, and bring back some warmth and happiness to your marriage.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I agree with your response to “Shaking My Head,” the widow who makes sport of her crush on the local priest. (I said she should redirect her energy to other topics and try open-mic comedy. —Miss L.)

I have another take on it. I think this widow’s crush on the priest is a safe way to deal with her desire to move on, which may be making her feel like she is cheating on her late husband. The object of her crush — a priest — is an unattainable man who will never reciprocate her feelings, so it’s perfectly risk-free. She also knows he’s not rejecting her personally. Her being funny could also be a defence mechanism. She may need counselling or a grief-support group.

— Armchair Psychologist, Selkirk

Dear Armchair Psychologist: Priests have human feelings of every kind, even if they’ve vowed chastity to enable them to concentrate on guiding their flocks. They certainly don’t need someone like this widow making jokes to other people in the community about being hot for them.

Granted, the perpetrator is awkwardly trying to deal with her personal pain, but word gets around fast in small towns, and funny words get around fastest.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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