Put kids’ gaming ‘addiction’ fears into perspective

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This article was published 12/01/2024 (967 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I got my kids their first video game console for Christmas, after months of their begging, and now I’m worried I’ve just introduced them to their first addiction. They’re glued to the screen, and when they aren’t playing it, it seems like it’s all they can think about.

My ex (their father) struggled with cocaine addiction, and I swear I see the same look on my children’s faces when they’re jonesing for their dopamine fix!

I’m trying to calm myself down, and remind myself it’s only been a short time since Christmas, and I should be happy they love such an expensive gift this much. But, I must confess I can’t help but see their father on their faces, every time they’re sitting at the dinner table, distracted by the thought of getting back to their games.

I don’t want them to end up like their dad, living in a shabby apartment, estranged from everyone he knew and loved, because his addiction made him do things that would have been otherwise out of character.

Taking their console away feels like a mistake since it was a gift, and I’m certain it would hurt my relationship with my children, plus it would make the gift a colossal waste of money. I need ideas, please.

— Worried Mom, Winnipeg

Dear Worried: This is a chance to teach your kids about creating balance in their lives, but don’t tie it in with their father’s drug addiction. The last thing you should say is, “I don’t want you to end up like your dad!” It may also make them fear that they’ll inevitably inherit this type of affliction.

If the period of time on their gaming console ends with something positive — like dinner being served, friends visiting, or going to a sports practice or game, it’s a lot easier for kids, than if there are hours still yawning ahead with nothing to do. This can really help: Create and put up a “kids’ schedule” poster where things like school work, sports/exercise, home chores, friend hangouts and gaming time can be scheduled or tallied. Help your children to plan and schedule, so there aren’t too many long periods of “nothing to do” in their lives.

Decorate the schedule with stickers, and make it attractive. Then you’ll be creating a positive visual representation of their multi-faceted lives, and it can be good for their self-esteem to see that in front of them. You’ll also see spaces where you need to add in fun new activities, so gaming has some strong competition!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My love life with my wife ended when she had an affair with a former lover. He came back to town to live, and looked her up for a “harmless” drink. Believe me, it was anything but, and it carried on until I found out three months later.

We still share the same bedroom, but I’m so turned off my wife, I don’t even want to touch her! She doesn’t want me to, either, but we have three beautiful kids, and I don’t want them to know what’s going on.

Then yesterday she said she couldn’t stand the “cold war” anymore and hinted that she’d like to consider divorcing. I swore to myself years ago I’d never do that to my kids. Now what?

— Scared Dad, St. Norbert

Dear Scared: Getting good help for your shaky marriage may be the most important thing you ever do for yourself, and your family. A good marriage counsellor or psychologist can make a big difference — and possibly get a couple into a better relationship than they thought they could ever have again.

However, proceed carefully. Don’t go with the first counsellor you hear about, and let that be your fate. Instead, ask the small circle of people you trust to keep quiet — particularly friends who’ve seen a relationship counsellor themselves, with successful results.

Also, you can ask your physician, lawyer or religious leader, to make suggestions of counsellors with reputations for actually healing couples. They’re often aware of what’s available, and who’s really good. Then go for a trial session and see if you can talk easily with the counsellor about intimate matters, and if you are on the same page in regard to working to save a relationship. If not, try somebody else with no apologies. Leave nothing to chance.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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