Some loving, bonding fun can reinforce fidelity

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This article was published 15/01/2024 (991 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife is beautiful, but she’s strange — always has been. That’s partly why I fell in love with her. One day she picked me up on her motorcycle when I was hitch-hiking, and I was done for! No other woman could catch my eye and settle me down before that.

My wife was raised by her dad and older brothers and she can do anything a man can do, only better. She has mind-blowing intuitive knowledge as well. We had a great thing going for almost 15 years.

Then this trouble-maker moved into our neighbourhood — a woman, who’s kind of unusual like my wife. She kept finding excuses to come over to our house to ask my wife for help with her building projects. They got involved, but not sexually, my wife says.

My wife keeps saying her body is for me, but can’t deny she had a crush on this woman. A couple of weeks ago that woman demanded my wife make a choice — me or her! My wife chose me and our kid, thank God.

Now here’s the problem — the loss of trust. My wife is back to being close with me, but she says she fears one day I’ll take revenge. That’s not going to happen, but how do I get her to believe that? I just want her to stay with me and our son, and keep loving us she the way she used to.

— On Shaky Ground, southern Manitoba

Dear Shaky: There are no guarantees of faithfulness in relationships, only pledges to stick by one’s partner. So what can you do to build strength and trust back into your marriage after experiencing a threat from another person?

There are two things to remember: don’t be afraid to compete, and don’t underestimate the healing power of fun.

How do you become the most fun partner she’ll ever know? Try buying tickets to upcoming activities such as concerts, sporting events, movies and exhibitions. You could also take your mate on short drives to new places or beloved local spots.

A few other ideas include trying out new restaurants with friends in tow, taking on household projects you know your partner will love or bringing home amusing gifts.

In other words, show off to your partner the many different sides of you like you did when you first met. Smart people do that once again if they start to feel their relationship is in jeopardy.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I accidentally bumped into a female store employee from behind. She was bent down getting something for someone off a bottom shelf. I’m a tall guy and I was looking way up and reaching for something for my son. I just didn’t see her. Suddenly she yelled out, “Get off of me!”

I jumped back and she called for the manager. I was apologizing to her, but she wasn’t having any of it. My son and I left the store in a hurry without the toy we had been there to get.

On the way to the car, my boy said, “You bumped into that store lady’s bum, and I heard her say you should be barred from the store. What is that?” At home, he told my wife the whole story, and she was not amused. What can I do now?

— The Klutz, Winnipeg

Dear Klutz: Sometimes, apologizing further just makes things worse. Do yourself, the upset clerk and her boss a big favour by shopping elsewhere from now on. They won’t miss you, and you won’t miss them.

As for your wife, she needs to know exactly how this accident happened since your son is concerned. Then you should all let it go.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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