Reach out for help to cope with forthright ex

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This article was published 11/01/2024 (996 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My out-of-control ex-wife just moved back to town, and is staying with her family, according to the grapevine. She called me up last night after midnight, disgustingly drunk. She said she was coming over, and wanted to bury the hatchet.

I said, “Don’t come!” but she came anyway, and banged on the back door of my house. I wouldn’t let her in, so she started screaming like a banshee. I yelled that I was calling the cops and she let loose with a bunch of obscenities that went on and on. She finally left.

Now what? I need her to stay far away, or I won’t be able to sleep at night. Please tell me what I should do. She can get violent, and I know from experience.

— Harassed By Ex, East Winnipeg

Dear Harassed: People like your ex-wife require a robust reaction, particularly when they are bad drinkers and can lose total control.

Speak to the police about this harassment, and also call your former divorce lawyer. Your ex-wife needs to know what punishment awaits her if she tries to harass you again. And, if you haven’t already, block her number, so you don’t have to fear answering your own phone.

You should also put in a good security system ASAP, so no one can get into your yard undetected — and then you’ll be able to get to sleep at night.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m nearly 40 and I have at best, two friends. I’ve tried reconnecting with old friends and they always seem happy to get together, but they inevitably fizzle out, usually sooner than later.

I’m socially awkward and get extremely self-conscious around people. I work from home and if I’m being honest, I don’t really have any hobbies, at least not ones that would allow you to meet new people.

I generally don’t find I need much social interaction on a weekly basis, but as my friend group dwindles and my family ages, I’m staring down the very real possibility of being fully alone by the time I’m 60 and I know loneliness kills. I haven’t had a girlfriend the last year either, so that leaves a real vacancy in my life.

I notice if I don’t initiate contact with anyone, generally, I will go over a week before someone messages me unprompted. I don’t need a lot of people in my life, but if just one of my friends were to move away or die, I would be very alone. How do I fix the situation — and myself — so people want to be around me?

— Too Much Alone, Westwood

Dear Alone: People who have lots of friends aren’t necessarily the most socially talented people in the world, but they are joiners — or push themselves to be.

In fact, January is a month when people explore new programs promoted online, or look at printed material they pick up from leisure centres, libraries, recreational facilities and arts groups. Others get involved with charities and organizations that need volunteer help.

But since you’re single this year and possibly looking for a new romance, you could also do some research online into local activities-based singles groups.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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