Don’t stress yourself out over unisex bridal shower

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This article was published 07/06/2024 (824 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was recently invited to attend a bridal shower, which shouldn’t be weird, but I’m a man! Why are these things getting so popular? I thought these were typically female activities. I know it’s 2024 but I can’t shake this feeling of discomfort.

I should be fine, as the bride is a close friend, but I don’t have a girlfriend of my own to look to for guidance on it. I can’t ask my mother what to buy for a gift or what to wear because she is no longer alive. That leaves, well… nobody, so I’m asking you for help, please.

— Bridal Shower ‘Virgin,’ St. Norbert

Dear Shower Virgin: Bring a fun gift to make everybody laugh. Bring a present that makes for conversation — like an over-the-top multi-purpose kitchen tool. Then there are the humorous gifts like the popular Lionel Richie cutting boards with his face printed on it and the phrase: “Is it me you’re cooking for?” If the wedding couple are fans, they can display it. If not, they can chop on Lionel.

Showers are meant to be lighthearted and often feature games as part of the event. So, dress up a little and be a good sport.

Just as long as you don’t show up in a gag T-shirt that reads, “Sorry I’m late… I really didn’t want to come!” you’ll do just fine.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new man lives on a farm and works in the city. He has some oddball pets at home, and I love that about him. Some of the small ones actually live in the house.

My mother is a clean-freak city lady and doesn’t like pets under any human’s roof. But my handsome guy has charmed her, and she wants to go to his farm to see where he lives. She’s picturing the white-picket fence-situation. I can tell you right now she won’t approve of his place — and her face reveals everything she thinks!

My guy is friendly and open to company, and wants her to come to his country home for a barbecue, but I know she’s going to be on my back after that visit. She’ll criticize the dirty animals being in the house and the germs they bring, and say things to me, like “How could you two ever have children in that place… blah-blah-blah.”

She won’t say anything to him, but she will be endlessly critical to me. I won’t take it from her, because he is the one for me. Please help!

— Seriously In Love, St. James

Dear Seriously In Love: It’s time you reversed the power dynamic with Mom, and you have the perfect chance right now.

First, don’t schedule any visits for her to go to your man’s property, even the first few times she hints. When she gets annoyed and finally asks why, tell her she can’t come “unless there are a couple of rules observed.”

Tell her the biggest one is no criticism of your guy’s lifestyle to him, or to you. Otherwise all meetings afterwards will be at her house in the city. Then tell her a little about pets and the ones that live inside your fellow’s home and in the yard, and how you are quite happy with all that.

If she’s a clean freak, she might feel more relaxed just hearing about them.

As for further harassment about his “odd” situation, let her know you just won’t discuss it. Say to Mom, “We’ll have to change the subject, or I’m on my way for today.” You don’t have to get into angry fights. Just be prepared to cut things short, and say cheerfully, “See you soon, Mom!” — and really mean that.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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