Party disinvite is the height of disrespect

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This article was published 12/06/2024 (839 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend is just as sexy-looking as she ever was, but I suddenly don’t feel the same attraction.

Why? A week ago she went to a party for a bunch of high school friends without me. She pointedly did not invite me. She said I “wouldn’t like them.” I asked her if her old boyfriend was going to be there, and then she said very casually, “Oh maybe… but he has a new girlfriend.” Right. That sounded made up, to me.

I called her phone from 1-3 a.m. the night of the party, and she finally answered. She sounded out of breath — just like after we have sex. I figure there’s a 90 per cent chance her old boyfriend was there beside her, or he just left that minute.

I’m hurting so badly. I thought she was the love of my life! I don’t know what to do. Should I give her another chance, because I don’t really know 100 per cent for sure?

— Feeling Broken, West Kildonan

Dear Feeling Broken: Trust your unhappy gut, and save yourself more pain.

Why should give up so easily here? When it gets to the point your mate doesn’t want to bring you to meet old friends — including her old sweetheart — then you aren’t special enough to her.

If you were, she’d be encouraging you to come to these parties to show you off and she’d take great pleasure in introducing you to everyone — particularly an old boyfriend. Nothing like rubbing it in!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother lives with my husband and me (both in our mid-50s) in a big house. I was glad to have her move in here, after her stroke. She’s actually doing quite well and can function independently again.

But now that Mom’s found out I’m having an affair, she’s disapproving, and looks at me like she’s sucking lemons.

She doesn’t know my husband has been unable to have sex for eight years, or that he had a long-term affair on me, when our kids were growing up. I was, in his words, “too busy for him.”

Should I tell my mother the whole story? I’m sick and tired of her frowning disapproval, and this house has grown very uncomfortable.

— Not the Only Cheater, Charleswood

Dear Not the Only Cheater: Why not tell Mom what’s going on now and why, and include your husband’s past cheating history? She sees and feels the unhappiness, and doesn’t know how to make sense of it.

Your mother’s probably wondering why you and your husband stay together now, and even worse, what would happen to her if you split up!

You can understand she’d feel better if you forgave one another and magically became a happy couple — but that’s not going to happen.

So why do you and your husband stay together now? Is having the house for all three of you to live in the big reason you are unhappily staying there together? Your best bet would be to see a relationship counsellor with your husband and figure out exactly what you two want for your final stages of life.

Then work out living arrangements for you and your mom (and possibly your new boyfriend one day) that are peaceful and agreeable. Check with your mom about where she would like to live. Maybe she’d enjoy a seniors’ block with some supports, like meals and a dining room and activities where she could make new friends of her own.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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