Don’t let pride block expression of true feelings

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This article was published 06/11/2024 (639 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I spotted my ex-girlfriend in a tiny park where I don’t usually go. She was walking with a tall, dark-haired guy, and hanging onto his arm. I couldn’t help myself! I walked right over to her, like I was pulled by a magnet.

She said, “Oh hi!” and touched her hair, a nervous move of hers, I recall. But this time a diamond engagement ring flashed in the sunlight. I was shocked!

I suddenly felt tears stinging my eyes. Somehow — and I know this is crazy — I always thought we’d get back together when the time was right, and she’d marry me, and then we’d live happily ever after.

I said to her guy, in a quiet voice, “Congratulations, I guess you beat me to the punch.” Then I looked into my ex’s eyes and I was totally startled. I felt like we were looking deep into each other’s souls. Then she suddenly had tears in her eyes!

I was in total shock at the engagement news. We only broke up because our parents insisted. They were afraid I’d get her pregnant at 17. Is there anything at all I can do or is it too late?

— Feeling Sick, West End

Dear Feeling Sick: It will soon be too late for one thing — saying nothing! Forget your pride now, and don’t hold anything back. That business of looking into each other’s souls is a real thing. There’s a chance she feels the same about you, but thought the deep love was over, on your side.

It’d be such a shame to find out that pride got in your way, and you accepted her engagement situation without telling her you still wanted her to be with her.

Contact her immediately, and ask if you can meet to talk about something important. Tell her how you’ve always felt, and how shocked you are now that she’s engaged to another guy. Then tell her you still love her, and ask if she still loves you and if you two can start seeing each other again — very seriously. She might tell you it’s too late — but there’s a chance she might not!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My seriously overweight wife has completely lost her desire for sex, but she still wants to stay married to me.

I love her, but this is hurtful and unacceptable to me. She tells me it’s because we’ve both gained so much weight and says “Although I love you, sex just isn’t sexy anymore.”

I said I’d go on a healthy diet if she’d do it with me, but she said, “Not interested!”

Should I do it anyway and hope that might inspire her? Part of the reason she doesn’t want to lose me is that I support her financially. She doesn’t have to work unless she wants to, and she doesn’t.

— Hurting Husband, Bridgwater

Dear Hurting: It’s punishing to be living beside someone who’s on a negative path and trying to get you to stay on it with them.

Your wife might begin to feel inspired by your dieting and weight loss, and join you in time — or she may just feel annoyed and jealous, and try to impede your progress.

Be prepared for both situations, but don’t let them pull you under. Relationship counsellors and psychologists can help you deal with your marriage issues, or how to free yourself from the relationship.

Even if your wife won’t join you — improve your own life! That means going on a healthy diet program, regular exercise and getting down to a healthier weight.

There are many gyms and programs to get you moving toward your goal. You might walk in the door alone, but you also may soon meet like-minded people, who become your healthy new friends.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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