Cupid can’t help the stupid, so clue in quickly

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This article was published 07/02/2025 (541 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I really blew it on Valentine’s Day last year — I didn’t even realize it was Feb. 14. Clueless me had nothing for my new girlfriend — no gift, not even an order-in dinner or flowers. She had brought a gift for me. I thought it was just another night and I’d buy her a burger in the car and we’d go shoot some pool.

When she figured out I didn’t have a clue what day it was and that there would be nothing special for her, she called a cab and took off. I was suddenly alone. I called my closest brother and he told me what an idiot I was. “Don’t you know it’s Valentine’s Day?”

Next, I called my best friend who never has a date, hoping to get a little sympathy. He also raked me over the coals for not having a present for my girlfriend and told me to give my head a shake.

OK, that’s a year in the past now and I’m dating a different woman. I really don’t want to blow it this time, as I think I may be falling in love with her. What should I do this year?

— Need to Step Up, South St. Vital

Dear Step Up: Make a reservation immediately to take this girlfriend out for dinner at a place with good reviews. Bring a romantic little gift (such as sparkly earrings) with a card signed with sweet words about her personality and how she makes you feel. Just don’t use the word “love” if it’s too soon. That could be a mistake. Good luck this time out.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a stay-at-home dad while my wife is a school teacher. During the summer, when she’s on holidays, I’m seriously involved in running and take part in various competitions. My wife and I have had no problem with our arrangement so far, but now she wants to have a third baby and I’m freaking out.

She said she wants to try for a girl. She said we could have one more and we’re done and that a girl would be so sweet and help our two boys learn how to get along with girls.

I don’t think we need a girl to round out our collection — and what if we have a third boy? Would she then want to give it another try?

Also, my wife hasn’t done nearly as much work looking after our kids and entertaining them as I have regularly done. After overseeing the daily home show with our preschoolers, I also have to lift weights and run to stay in shape.

My wife just wants everything her way. I won’t threaten to leave because I love her and I’m so connected to our little boys, but what now for us?

— Stressed-Out Dad, Westwood

Dear Stressed-Out: You need a third party involved in a trio of important discussions: the child-care stress you feel; going through another pregnancy together; and the “must-have-a-girl” issue.

You do have a right to say you’ve had enough at two children, especially when you’re so involved in raising them. Also, a third pregnancy could easily result in another boy, so you need to remind your wife having children is not like an accessory set that needs to be completed.

Family counsellors are familiar with this issue and can offer a number of solutions they’ve seen work. It’s time for you both to go for a few sessions — including some solo so you can really say what you’re feeling.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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