Don’t stall on having serious talk before big night

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/02/2025 (537 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My best buddy just told me he heard my girlfriend is “hoping to wake up on Valentine’s Day morning, wearing an engagement ring.” My jaw dropped. He said, “Everybody knows you you’re crazy about that woman, and you have the money to get married.”

But she and I only met 10 months ago, and I’m not ready to tie the knot. I had planned to give her a bouquet of red roses at an intimate dinner, and a little heart-shaped diamond pendant as a gift. Yes, it’s a real diamond — though definitely not meant by me as an engagement symbol. I was also expecting a surprise gift from her — probably a painting, as she’s an artist.

She’d also hinted at a special kind of lovemaking on Valentine’s Day night. I was excited about that, but not thinking of any of this as “engagement night” — just a fun, special evening.

Now I’ve got this information from my friend, I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose this girlfriend, but I don’t want to be pushed into an engagement.

— No Hurry, East Kildonan

Dear No Hurry: Your girlfriend has to be told at home that you’re not yet ready for an engagement ring and a definite wedding. If things don’t go well — and they likely won’t — it’s best to avoid being in a restaurant with the possibility of seeing other people making proposals and getting rings on Valentine’s Day.

Be aware your mate is so built up for an engagement ring, she probably won’t much want the lesser diamond heart necklace from you, as it would just feel like second prize. But she might in a few weeks, so don’t return it unless she tells you to.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I planned ahead to have as many kids as God would give us and at this point we have four. We got pregnant around Valentine’s Day a couple of times. But, I’m just not up for a fifth pregnancy — my body is way too tired.

My husband thought it was such a special thing — creating babies around Valentine’s Day. We both love kids, but I just don’t know how to tell him, as I do love him so much, I really don’t want another baby.

— Pregnancy Problem, Westwood

Dear Problem: True intimacy is about being free to tell each other your real feelings. So, tell your husband this feels like the end of your desire for new baby-creation. Four kids may be OK for him, too, but he’s been deferring to you make these decisions. Who knows? He might be all right with a different kind of “baby” this year — like a puppy!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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