Re-jig family plan to accommodate wife’s ballet dream

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife can’t stop “dancing” since our second baby was born. We originally wanted to have three or four children, but now she wants to stop at two, and get back into the ballet world, which she clearly misses big-time!

She is always using the kitchen counter for her continual ballet exercises, and it’s driving me nuts. This is not what we planned together when I asked her to be my wife, and we happily got married to start our large family project.

How can she change the deal at this point? I come from a large family of six kids, and she said she wanted up to four! This isn’t fair. Please help me deal with this.

— Feeling Swindled, South Winnipeg

Dear Swindled: Your wife didn’t purposely trick you, but she did miscalculate. Why? Because she simply didn’t know fully what to expect, ahead of time. An imagined child isn’t the same as the reality of having one — carrying a fetus for nine months, giving birth, nursing the baby, raising the little child.

And then, she had a second one!

Sometime after that second arrival, came the biggest surprise for both of you — your lady ended up missing her ballet, badly. Now you two have to re-jig the equation, to come out with happiness on both sides. You have two children already — a substantial part of your family dream — and they are bringing you both joy! Can you dial back your desire for two more children, and help your wife start enjoying a portion of her ballet dream? A balance will mean happiness can be restored for both of you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The woman I love left me two months ago, and I’m a mess. I can’t ask the guys I know for help. They mostly just shrug their shoulders.

My female friends are similar to my ex-girlfriend — the types whose whole wardrobe is black heavy-metal band t-shirts, and they act like one of the guys. If anything, our whole group is very masculine, even though we aren’t all men.

The guys have shown they’re down to help me somewhat, but when I try to bring up how I’m feeling these days, they go cold. They say, “That’s behind you, don’t think about that. You need to get over her. Quit dwelling!”

I’ll be frank. I just don’t have counselling money, even if I wanted to get help. The only free counsellor I know is a nice person — a friend of my older sister — but she is part of a church, and counselling with her would come at a different cost!

Going to her church would never be my style. Please help.

— Swimming In Circles, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Swimming: Klinic in the West Broadway neighbourhood is an open-minded medical clinic that also offers free drop-in counselling Monday to Saturday, beginning at noon. (Check out the specifics at klinic.mb.ca/in-person-counselling/klinic-drop-in-counselling.)

Also, be aware medical doctors frequently encounter patients who need counselling services, as well as medical help. They’re aware of different places to provide help for their patients, and some of those options are free, or carry only a minimal charge.

When you talk to your physician, be upfront about your feelings of loneliness and isolation which have continued for two months now, since your breakup. Also be sure to reveal your lack of funds to pay for counselling, so your doctor can look in the right direction, and not waste time.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.