Be upfront with folks over preferred career path

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My high school art teacher told my highly educated parents I was very talented in art. So, my folks decided I’d benefit from private lessons this summer and say it will provide me a real foundation for a degree in fine arts.

They got me lessons with an artist they admire, and I’m enjoying them — but it’s money spent for nothing. The truth is, I want to be well-known for work in the field of engineering, not for paintings on a wall or sculpture. I need to tell my parents that while the art lessons are fun for me, that’s all they are. It’s making me feel guilty having them pay all summer, but I know my folks will be disappointed. Still it’s my life, isn’t it?

— Wrong Path, St. Boniface

Dear Wrong Path: Tell your folks the art lessons are helping you realize you’re more interested in being able to draw up plans for an engineering project than creating for art’s sake. Tell them you’ll always be interested in art for enjoyment and for your own relaxation, but not as a career.

Then ask them if they want you to continue the lessons this summer, or would rather you got a job to help pay for university courses toward an engineering degree.

It’s likely they’ll say, “Keep on with art and we’ll display your work at home,” but it will be up to them, and you’ll feel less guilty.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I feel like I’ve seen a ghost! My secret love from high school — one of my teachers — moved away from Winnipeg when I was in Grade 12.

According to my best friend (the spy), the news is that my former teacher is also single now and divorced from her husband.

Now she’s back here in Winnipeg and not teaching at all. She obviously studied elsewhere for a few years, because now she has a totally different career.

My buddy knows all about my old crush and thought I might be interested in knowing these hot new facts.

Now, how do I approach her, aside from calling and saying, “This is an old student of yours. How would you like to go out to dinner with me, and get caught up?” It’s not likely that would work!

— Curious Former Student, Winnipeg

Dear Former Student: You really shouldn’t get your hopes up on anything happening between the two of you. Just look at it as a mystery you’re clearing up for yourself, because you used to have a crush on this woman.

While it may be technically lawful for an ex-teacher no longer in the profession to date a former high school student who is now an adult, it can still raise ethical concerns that the educator could have used their position of authority to facilitate a future intimate relationship.

Manitoba Teachers’ Society guidelines are clear in stating that “Teachers must avoid any situation that could create a conflict of interest, including situations where a relationship with a student or former student could be perceived as exploiting the privileged teacher-student relationship.”

It may be a different matter if a considerable period of time has passed (say, decades) between when a teacher taught a student and a relationship commences, but that doesn’t seem to be the case here.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.