Bolt from the blue too good to be true

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I ran into my old boyfriend at my favourite beach — and it was painful. I was with him years ago and he’s since married and had a couple of kids. I saw them all — his wife and his children. Ouch!

Then suddenly they packed up and left. I guess it was way too hot outside for people with young children. He obviously still had my old number, as he called me an hour later.

He said he had spotted me still sitting on the beach and asked if he could come join me. He said his family were back at their cabin, cooling down.

I told him to come over, then we had a longer-than-necessary talk to catch up. I told him my life situation: I’m single again with no children. And I also told him that after many medical tests I was told I’m unable to bear children. Life can be so cruel.

Weirdly, I had dumped this boyfriend on a beach many years ago because I wanted to get married and have several kids and he said he didn’t want a whole bunch of “brats.”

So he went after my marriage-and-family dream with someone else.

How do I handle him? I know he’s going to call me again because he said so and I must admit I’m excited.

— Summer Shocker, Winnipeg

Dear Summer Shocker: Stay away from this old love. He may be feeling a tinge of regret like you are, but that’s no reason to interfere in a whole family.

Also consider this possibility: you and this old ex were just not meant to be with each other. You two could have avoided missing out on having children through adoption.

It’s time for you to look for a single or divorced child-loving new partner — one who has children or would be happy to join you as an involved aunt and uncle. Parents are often so busy with work they could do with help from the extended family, but they hesitate to ask.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: On the last night of a brainstorming business retreat, this single woman and I — we hooked up romantically during the getaway — exchanged little notes.

Her note mentioned loving our experience together, but now she’s backtracking and saying she wasn’t talking about “loving” our personal experience.

I think she embarrassed herself, but now we’re back in the city she isn’t interested in anything more than short phone calls from me.

I pressed her for the truth and she finally told me yesterday, “Look, I’m not really single. I have a special man in the city.”

I feel embarrassed now — and also angry. Tell me how to get rid of these feelings about being told not to bother her as if she thinks I’m harassing her. I’m certainly not.

I’m also not usually such a fool when dealing with women, but she tricked me with her fake sad goodbyes at the retreat — the big hug and the tear in the corner of her eye.

— Taken For a Ride? Downtown Winnipeg

Dear Taken: If you’re ever in a situation like this again, just handle the last goodbye with, “It’s been interesting getting to know you better. Feel free to call me and maybe we can explore things further.”

Then hand the person your contact info, but don’t call her yourself. If they don’t contact you after more than a week, you’ll have both cooled off a bit. Fortunately, new connections left untended can fizzle pretty fast, and that would certainly be best in this case.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.