Be there for sister and don’t just write her off

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My sister, who disappeared from the family six years ago, just reappeared, and on my birthday.

I had heard she was living in town. She looked good with a nice haircut and sharp clothes.

She claimed she has a good job, so I asked, “Where are you working now?” She said she would tell me later because she didn’t want to make anyone jealous. It sounded like a lie to me.

Suddenly I knew she had turned to prostitution again. Then very quickly, she made some excuses, and she was gone.

What now? Have I lost my sister again with my big mouth?

— Loaded Question, West End

Dear Loaded Question: Whether she’s back to that or not, it would have been kinder of you not to ask, “Where are you working now?” as it refers to the past when you knew she was involved in prostitution.

She took a chance coming to your birthday party, so phone her and apologize for making her feel put on the spot and uncomfortable, as she may well be running away from you again.

Also tell her, “Just so you know, I love you and I always will.”

If she’s willing to talk more, be prepared with a few job ideas or other offers of personal support, if she’s interested. Offer to help her find other work and then actually do it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m getting depressed over the wildfires that won’t go away. My wife and I put out so much effort to help and made big donations of time and money during the first horrible experience.

Now there’s smoke in the air again. It’s not fair, and it just seems endless. My wife yelled at me today to “grow up and stop sulking about it.”

I can’t because I rented a cabin in a popular location north of us for this summer but I’m afraid it may not happen now due to the blazes.

My son and I have been dreaming of this two-week trip with our new fishing boat. It’s just not fair. What can we do?

— Burned Again, Manitoba

Dear Burned: Be the kind of leader who says, “We may not be able to go with the first holiday plan, but I do have a backup idea.”

As an alternative, hook your boat to a rented RV and head to a lake area that’s not being smoked out. It may not be as fancy as your first idea, but it’s an example of resilience that will impress your family.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a friend who exaggerates everything. She’s very pleasant and people enjoy being at social gatherings with her, listening to her funny stories, but something about them always smells wrong.

Is it dangerous to be close to a person who has a loosey-goosey handle on the truth?

I worry about what she says about me sometimes in the interest of telling a good story. She always exaggerates to get the big laughs.

Does she even know she’s stretching the truth, or is it just a habit? I don’t think she means any harm.

I don’t have a lot of fun friends, so that’s why I hang out with her. What could she be saying when I’m not with her?

— Suspicious Mind, St. Norbert

Dear Suspicious: Don’t be too intimate with a friend like this who stretches things unrealistically, or your personal stories (as distorted as they may be) might get to people they impact negatively and come back on you.

This person’s brand of “fun” just doesn’t seem worth the possible blowback it could cause you in the long run.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.