Pals may envy your marriage’s level of trust

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a married woman who went to the Winnipeg Folk Festival with my ex-boyfriend from my hippie days, and it was great! All evening, it felt like being magically transported back to a simpler time.

So why was going together considered sleazy by some people? I just had lunch with two old girlfriends who said their husbands would never trust them to go on a “date” with an old ex-boyfriend. Why did they have to make a dating inference like that?

Yes, this guy and I have partners we love in our lives, and we each have grandchildren. So, our folk fest get-together was just a fun exchange of memories from the past, as well as stories about our present mates and children. We listened to music and talked for hours — we both loved it.

At the end of the lunch, one of my girlfriends poked me in the ribs, and said, “So, confess — when are you going to see him again?” It was like she was salivating and could hardly wait to hear Chapter 2 of an affair in the works!

Why can’t more people see an ex from long ago and just enjoy a friendly time? It was relaxed and happy, with no sex involved or even hinted at. We moved on from that many years ago, and couldn’t care less.

Also, my husband trusts me 100 per cent, as I also trust him seeing old female friends, including his exes. We both have fuller lives because of that trust. What was wrong with the two “friends” I met for lunch?

I’m not sure I want to talk to them again, as they were quite disgusting.

— Innocent Meet-up, Wolseley

Dear Innocent Meet-up: Not everybody still trusts their own marriage partners, even if they love them. They may not be having sex as often as they once did, and it may involve far less passion than before. Also, some may have reason to doubt their partner’s behaviour, when they’re out of sight. So it’s just easier for them to think that’s how it must go for their other friends, too.

If you let these two women “have it,” you could lose their friendships. How precious are they to you? If they’re still valuable, see each one separately and talk this out.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new man has a lot of money — his own, plus two generations of family money already starting to come down to him. I sure don’t have that!

Now it’s causing us trouble as a couple. He wants to go fancy places I can’t afford, and he expects me to hop on board and “help out” when the bills arrive.

He says he already knows he’ll pay the lion’s share in the end, but he expects me to chip in. That makes me feel like a child. I feel like he runs everything and I’m the tag-along.

Otherwise, we share a goofy sense of humour and have a lot of fun in bed. By the way, we’re a gay couple, if that matters.

How long do you think this relationship could last? He’s in a different league from me and is always booking things ahead, like ski trips for next winter already. More and more I have to bow out because I can’t afford those expensive things. Is it maybe time to bow out?

— Not in His Financial League, Wolseley

Dear Not in His League: It’ll immediately start to feel better when you’re no longer in a “prince and pauper” relationship, so why prolong it?

It certainly hasn’t been good for your self-esteem, which is worth a lot in life. There’s just no point in struggling to keep up and having to make apologies when you can’t.

Great sex doesn’t even everything out, as you’re probably coming to realize. So, wish this man the best with the crowd that suits him, then look for somebody new with some of his good traits and fewer of the financial-disparity issues.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.