Hammer out mutual pact on referencing exes

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new husband just confessed he’s jealous of the car my ex-boyfriend bought for me, which I affectionately named after my old love. My new mate wants me to get rid of it. I can’t tell you what a turnoff this is. He never said anything before the marriage, but now he thinks he owns me.

The little car was bought second-hand and didn’t cost much. My old boyfriend paid for the whole thing, since I didn’t have anything more than a bicycle to ride and he had an old rattle-trap truck himself. I have always loved that car.

It was a feeling of gratitude and delight when he brought the car over to me with a bow on the windshield wiper. I cried. I told him I didn’t want to get rid of it until it died on its own. It has never died.

My new husband said that he thought we were starting a new beginning in our lives. I reminded him that he still quotes his ex-wife every time we’re in the kitchen making fancy dinners for a party because she was such a great gourmet cook.

He said that was completely different. How is it different?

— Deeply Annoyed, East Kildonan

Dear Deeply Annoyed: It’s not different, but you two need to learn to leave your ex-spouses’ names out of your conversations, most of the time. They just don’t belong when you two are putting together a dinner in your kitchen or driving in your car.

It’s just rude to keep harping on this. Make yourselves “stop in the name of love” as the song goes. You two must respect each other’s emotions if you want this love to last.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into a guy from my hometown while shopping atThe Forks and he called me by my nickname from 30 years ago, which started with “Skinny.” I turned around and laughed because I am longer skinny in the least. As it turns out, he’s no longer the “Big Guy” either.

We took time for a chat on the path by the river. He asked me if I ever knew about the guy who was in love with me all through high school, but was too shy to ever ask me out.

I said I didn’t and asked who it was. He told me the name and then said, “He’s widowed now. I bet he’d get a big kick out of getting a call from you. You can tell him I squealed on him, if you like.”

What do you think? Should I? I lost my husband a year ago, and I kind of liked the guy my old friend said had a crush on me.

— Tempted to Call, North Kildonan

Dear Tempted: Sure, phone the guy and do it soon before you lose the nerve. Also squeal on the guy who let the cat out of the bag to keep things light and humorous. Ask him if he wants to go for a drink or coffee.

If that goes well, great, but if it’s unremarkable, one coffee may be enough for both of you. It’s still a chance to catch up on what happened to mutual old friends, and that’s always fun.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband wants to go travelling this winter and I’m spooked by the political climate of the world these days.

He’s begging me for even one week away, somewhere safe and beautiful. He works so hard I hate to deny him the chance, but I’m so afraid of the world situation changing by the time we go somewhere on holiday. What should we do?

— Scared Traveller, Norwood

Dear Scared: Want a guarantee, so you can relax? Travel within Canada — even within Manitoba to the amazing port of Churchill. You might also book a skiing holiday at beautiful winter sports resort in Quebec, British Columbia or Alberta.

Politics have recently become such a common fear that travel agents everywhere are very aware, and this year smart ones have long lists of alternative winter travel spots that will be safer bets.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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