Forget ‘destiny’ and focus on here and now

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Two weeks ago, I ended up walking too close behind a guy with a long braid in our crowded university hallway, and bumped into him from the back. I had actually been trying to get close enough to touch his braid.

He turned around fast and said, “What are you doing?”

I squeaked out, “Trying to touch your braid — and not get caught.” He started to laugh. We started to talk and he told me I would have to buy him a drink, so off we went to the pub, and we’ve seen each other every night since.

Do you think that could mean it’s destiny and we’re meant to be together, like in that movie When Harry Met Sally… with Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan?

— Very New Girlfriend, Winnipeg

Dear New Girlfriend: In the film business a “meet cute” is a charming encounter that sets the scene for a big onscreen romance. It sounds like it worked for you, but don’t make the mistake of pushing your cute meeting too far. It can get tiresome, and the inference that you expect the same romantic ending that happened in the movie could make for annoying pressure.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When I was away for a holiday with my girlfriends, my closest cousin (who was not invited to join our travel group) started calling my boyfriend here in Winnipeg to see if he had heard from me, or so she claims. She just wanted an excuse to talk to him and act sexy. She’s 18 and has a lot of nerve.

He got my permission to tell her to get lost, and he finally did, but not in very polite words. Yikes.

My mother called me today and said my cousin was upset after the way my boyfriend spoke to her.

I said, “Great. I plan to stay away from her myself.”

Mom started sniffling — her favourite menopause move. She says she wants my cousin and me to make up, because we’re family. Ha. “We’re family” sounds like a life sentence. What now?

— Not Making Up, St. Vital

Dear Not Making Up: Not everybody in a family loves everybody else, and in modern times, they haven’t needed to because they have separate jobs, separate living quarters and technology to hide behind to communicate.

The ancient family idea of togetherness boiled down this: you have to accept the people in your big family or clan who have hurt or angered you because there is strength in numbers when enemies approach. They’ll be wanting to attack you and your people and then take over your land. So, stick together with your clan or die.

Now people in families don’t stick together nearly enough, even if they really need support.

If you can’t pull together a peace-making solution because you just don’t want to do it yourself, have your mom invite this girl over for a family get-together. Your cousin may be at the point of wanting to get past this upset, herself. See if you can make peace by just chatting pleasantly.

If an actual apology sticks in your craw, be polite and amenable, and that may be enough.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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