Size up ex interest for what it is: trouble

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I spotted a familiar male figure at the beach, seeing him from behind. It had to be my old love from Grade 12. I’d know that big body anywhere. He was a football player and weightlifter — a real find in my graduation year. Why? I was five-foot-11 in heels. We were together for a few months, through graduation, but broke up shortly after. Mutual height can only get you so far.

I followed the big guy into the water at the lake, and tapped him on the shoulder. My high school ex turned around, holding a small child in his big arms. Within two minutes, his wife was suddenly at his side! I saw her wedding ring.

So much for that, or so I thought. But a few days later I got a phone call at my work, and my old love said he wanted to talk, now that there’d be no one listening in.

He went on to say how great it was to see me again, and he wanted to apologize for what an “awkward guy” he was in high school. He said he stopped calling me back then because he didn’t feel he was up to keeping someone like me interested.

Last night I dreamed about him for the second night in a row. I wish we could try again, but he’s a married guy now. How do I get past this feeling, when all I want to do is call him back and meet him somewhere?

— Not Very Classy of Me, West End

Dear Not Very Classy: It’s too late to do a re-run with this guy who’s married and has a child. “Apologizing” for being young and awkward in the past was his excuse to talk to you again and to try to shift your opinion.

Be aware that most other men are classier than this! He’s somebody’s husband now and almost certainly the cheating type.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I volunteered my beautiful wife who’s great in the kitchen to give basic cooking lessons to my buddy from work who is a hopeless cook and is now divorced and living by himself. He eats out three times a day since his wife left him, and it’s costing him a lot of money.

My wife agreed to teach him how to make seven days of nutritious and tasty meals. He’s paying $500 for the food and lessons — the amount was his idea, because he earns a lot.

The two of them called me up from his kitchen yesterday “so I wouldn’t feel left out” and gave me the lowdown on the cooking lesson. I heard my wife giggling like she does when she’s pleased with me in bed.

I’m really jealous now! My wife doesn’t laugh like that with me very often anymore. They’d better only be cooking on the stove and not anywhere else. What should I do?

— Jealous Husband, St. Norbert

Dear Jealous: Married people forget they may sometimes need to guard their territory. Admit your feelings of jealousy to your wife and explain why you’re feeling that way.

Next time your buddy and your wife have a cooking lesson, insist on joining in part way through and teach your buddy how to prepare your favourite dessert. Suss out the situation while you’re there, and good-naturedly tell the bad cook to keep his hands off the teacher.

If you really don’t like the feel of what’s going on, tell your wife you made a mistake and that you’re too jealous to leave her alone with this wolf. Say you’re sorry you volunteered her, and don’t soft-pedal it! In fact, admit it’s making you feel sick and that you can’t stand it.

If she cares deeply about you, she’ll take your wounded feelings into account and cease the cooking sessions.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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