Autumn need not be melancholy forever

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Autumn is almost here (the most beautiful time of the year) but it always puts me in mind of my dearest love — a young man from my university days who died tragically in the fall, a couple decades ago. I lost him forever!

How can I get through this time, when it feels like I’ve been punched in the gut every September, and I have to stay home in bed pretending to have flu for a week or more?

— Numbing Out Again, Headingley

Dear Numb: See your physician and confess that you haven’t been able to heal this serious emotional wound. You should really book a visit to a psychiatrist, sooner rather than later, as this tragic loss from the past incapacitates you every fall. A professional therapist can help you to carefully undo these painful “knots,” and a psychiatrist would also be able to prescribe medication that could help you with the process of getting into an improved state of mind. That way, you won’t fall back into a serious state of mourning every autumn.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I spent all summer working at my job at the beach, trying to attract a gorgeous guy with a killer tan. We were good friends, and he seemed to like looking at me, but he wouldn’t even go walking down to the private beach with me.

Several times when we were both getting off shift in the early evening, I asked him casually to go for a walk on the beach, but I always got an excuse. I had the feeling he was almost scared to do that with me for some reason. It is well-known that people can find secluded little spots down there for romantic romp.

We’ll all be finished working at this beach by mid-September, so if he doesn’t make a move on me, should I just ask him about connecting in the city?

I’m thinking he’s just shy, or maybe scared to lose the approval of the people who hired him. But then, I’m also a positive thinker and imagining how great we’d be together.

— Hoping For Breakthrough, Whiteshell

Dear Hoping: There’s a good chance this guy you like has already given you his answer — a silent no. Either he’s not attracted to you, or he already has a partner somewhere.

Your best hope is he’s a guy who won’t mix work with romantic pleasure, but when work is over for the summer, he might consider seeing you.

So why not ask him about getting together back in the city? If he hedges on even giving you that, accept the fact it’s a year-round definite “no” — not even a casual friend interest — and let it go for good.

He may have a romantic interest — male or female — waiting for him to finish his beach job and get back home to them, or he may just not be attracted to wonderful you. That kind of info might be hard to swallow, but it would be the signal to get off this guy’s case so you can feel freed up to look elsewhere for romance.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had a fight with my new wife — my second —and just happened to clip her on the face, harder than I meant to. She threatened to call the cops and press charges, and she had a witness who’d back her up — her friend, who took photos of the bruises.

I wish I’d swatted her stupid friend too, and made it worth the trouble I’m in. What’s your advice for me?

— Nobody’s Fool, Winnipeg

Dear Fool: You seem to think you can assault annoying people and somehow be exempt from the law. Lamenting not striking your wife’s friend shows you aren’t the least bit sorry, and likely to hit somebody again. That’s unacceptable behaviour.

At the rate you’re going, you could end up in court. Then you and your fists could wind up in jail where there are people much tougher than you.

You’re showing disrespect for the basic law of the land, which tends to make those in high places, like judges, want to mete out harsher punishment.

So, before anyone orders you do so, seek serious counselling to address your violent reactions toward people who displease you and to rein in your temper. Get on this, ASAP.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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