Your patience could pay off in the long run

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My former girlfriend moved to Toronto at the start of April and then in mid-August married some idiot she met there — all in just under four months! It was a ridiculous move if you ask me.

I wished them luck in a sarcastic congratulatory email. She caught the dig, and wrote back, “What’s your problem? You never asked me to marry you when I was in Manitoba!”

I guess she has a point, but I’m not one to rush into things. That’s how my parents did it as well— they probably got married way too soon and didn’t get along very well afterwards, which ended up in divorce.

Also, a wedding is a big expense these days — too much for me, unless I was to take out a bank loan. The sad thing is I still love this woman and really miss her. I’d marry her if she ever came free again, no matter what it cost!

Should I tell her this? She did make a point of mentioning the fact I never proposed. What if I don’t, and then find out she would have come back to me if I’d told her how much I love her? She used to say she’d love me forever, but that was before she met this guy and married him so quickly. Please help!

— Left Longing, North End

Dear Left Longing: All you can do now is tell her you still love her — and to contact you if she ever wants to come back. Let her know you’d happily fly out east to help her pack up to come back to her home province. (Unless you’re no longer free yourself, of course!)

So let your ex know how you feel and start stashing away a bit of cash in case she does decide to break things off head back west.

She seems to be the type of woman who can change her mind in a hurry, so there really is a chance she may come back to you. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Fall has arrived and it’s a tough time of year for me. It used to be that if you had travel money socked away, you could spin a globe, close your eyes, put your finger down somewhere intriguing and just go!

Now it’s not so safe or stress-free to just travel someplace on a whim.

My husband is itching to book a trip and says he’ll pay. But before we nail down an interesting destination, I need to know I’ll feel secure in terms of personal safety and also confident enough that political or social strife isn’t about to erupt.

How can we get on the same page here?

— Need Travel Safety, Selkirk

Dear Travel Safety: Together, the two of you should start researching interesting spots online, and even head to a local bookstore or library to better understand places you may want to check out.

In addition to the fun you’ll have digging into possible destinations together, your man will also get a better sense of what you’re feeling in terms of travel trepidation.

With a bit of mutual investigation, you’ll see there are still plenty of welcoming, wonderful and stable spots around the globe where you can drop a pin and start your new adventure.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I feel like I just saw a ghost! An old friend from high school just started working in my office, and she has turned into a hot-looking woman, though in kind of a classy way.

She used to be more like “one of the guys” in school and was a great baseball player and runner — always the star of track-and-field day! Now she’s wearing cool glasses and looking kind of serious — but she’s sporting no rings.

When she joined my workplace, she flashed me a big smile when she spotted me. How can I handle this? I’d love to take her out to dinner and get to know the adult version of her — but I don’t want to mess things up at work. Help!

— Very Attracted, West End

Dear Attracted: Take this “old friend” for a casual lunch and see how things feel. She might be just the same as you remember, but you’ll have to subtly “interview” her as she might have a sweetheart she hasn’t revealed yet.

Just try to think of her as a “new friend” to have at work. Sometimes workplace relationships blossom into something more, but it can also make for a difficult situation if you break up and still have to work together closely. So don’t go hastily pushing for more than friendship right away — if you can possibly help it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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