Sex sounds in stereo a sad score for singleton

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just moved into a big old house with two buddies who curl and play hockey with me. They have girlfriends, but I don’t.

I thought they’d be staying at their girlfriends’ places on nights they were “sleeping” together, but oh no!

So now I get to listen to the duelling sex noises of two couples, on weekends and some weeknights as well.

Do I have any rights here? I really don’t want to admit defeat and move back in with my parents, when feels like I just moved out. But it’s really uncomfortable to be the only guy with no sex life in this household, and then having to hear it, while it’s happening.

— Only Loser in the House, Fort Garry

Dear Loser: The time will come when you’ll have a partner with whom to create your own romantic racket! So just go out and buy the best noise-cancelling headphones you can afford to drown out the blissful brouhaha.

Your buddies may snicker at your noise-negating equipment, but they’ll appreciate the fact you’re not complaining anymore.

And when you do end up dating someone and you two become sexually active, you can gift-wrap the earphones for your buddies!

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a young teacher who’s already attracted to an older male teacher in my school, but I don’t think he knows it. I know it’s not a crime to get romantically-involved with another teacher in your school, but it’s definitely frowned upon here.

I’d hoped I’d get over my crush in the summer months — and it did simmer down while I was away travelling. But now it’s September and I see this man again every day and I’m crazy about him all over again! I try to hide my feelings and manage pretty well, until he stops to chat with me. Then I’m all stirred up again.

I think it’s quite possible he’s more attracted to me now. I think I feel the vibes! I don’t know if he’s dating anybody seriously, and I certainly won’t be asking him straight up. Please help me deal with this!

— Teacher-on-Teacher Crush, Winnipeg

Dear Teacher Crush: There’s a reason school administrations don’t smile on teacher-teacher romances. If the pair are serious and heading for a commitment like marriage, it isn’t such a bad thing. But a break-up at any point can be painful all round and felt at school. Gossip tends to get around to the students, too. So who needs this nonsense in a school environment? Not the teachers involved in a split and not the students either.

If it does end up that the attraction is mutual and you both want to pursue a relationship, one of you might want to seriously consider taking up a teaching position at another school, should something become available.

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m newly retired and my passion is golf. I found out I’m one of many guys who wants to go on a winter golf vacation this Christmas but our wives aren’t so keen on the idea of joining us.

My beloved wants to stay home and have the standard old-fashioned snowy Manitoba Christmas, where we decorate the yard with Santa and his stupid sleigh. Then we have our ridiculous relatives over — mine are even worse than hers!

Money is not the problem. Getting my nervous wife into an airplane seat is the problem. We have to buy tickets soon, because the planes fill up early for Christmas trips. Should I just go ahead and buy tickets for where I want her to go with me?

— Dying to Tee Up at Christmas, Silver Heights

Dear Dying to Tee Up: Christmas is a big emotional deal for a lot of people. Trying to force your wife into getting on a plane to go on your golfing holiday when she’s dreaming of a white Christmas with relatives and friends is guaranteed to go badly.

Retirement means you’re free to book a holiday at almost any time, for as long as you want. Why not enjoy Christmas with family and friends here in Canada and then take off for your big golf getaway in the new year? It’s only a matter of waiting a few more weeks than you initially wanted.

Think of how much more popular you’ll be — and that’s a good thing!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.