Break spell before it hexes your marriage

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have an itch that needs to be scratched every couple of days. I sneak home with a new young woman from my workplace, who is a witch, and spend an hour or more with her, learning some things my wife doesn’t know anything about. It’s not really sexual with this new person yet, but I’m feeling intrigued by her witchy-ness — and more.

I’m fascinated and want to learn whatever she’s willing to teach me as we go along. This is especially cool now my “magic woman” has told me she’s interested by the darkness in me. Whatever that means. Nobody’s ever noticed that before.

I feel my wife really doesn’t need to know I’m into this stuff. It would only hurt her, and it may lead to nothing. But how do you keep a secret from your partner for any length of time when they know your every mood and can almost smell your secrets?

— Feeling Insecure, West End

Dear Insecure: Your wife knows you well and could likely be on to the fact you’re not really paying attention to her when you’re at home.

The likely next step is your new woman at work — who might want to get you away from your wife — will suddenly get careless about which friends she tells about seeing you, and it will start getting around.

So back off the witchcraft lessons before you get discovered and lose your wife. Then there won’t be any spell you can concoct to bring her back.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I divorced my nasty and controlling husband last year, and quickly felt much better. But lately, I’ve felt a burning anger for having lost so many years living with that jerk.

I had too much wine to drink the other night and phoned him up again. I told him off for wasting 16 years of my life. Then I called him a bunch of names and insulted his lovemaking capabilities. He laughed in my ear and said, “Good riddance. I’m much better off now you’re gone.” Then he called me some names so bad I can’t repeat them and hung up on me.

I’m frustrated and really angry. I really need to have one last say. Should I write him a letter, list everything he’s done to me and give him the hell he so richly deserves? Please advise me ASAP.

— Ready to Lose It, Charleswood

Dear Ready to Lose It: You don’t need to send your final say. You’ve both said more than enough.

But since your strong anger still wants some kind of expression, tell your physician exactly how you’re feeling and take any calming medication you’re prescribed.

Also, ask your doctor for a recommendation to a psychiatrist who can help you untangle your deep anger and grief. Visits to a psychiatrist are covered by provincial health, so there may be a waiting list, but it’s still worth going to get past this relationship. You could also consider consulting a psychologist or relationship counsellor.

Too often people repeat their bad choices in partners unless they get serious help to change how they’re thinking and feeling.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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